It's no secret that young people are in the grip of a loneliness epidemic. Feeling isolated and spending a lot of time by yourself (not by choice) can be detrimental to both your mental and physical health, and it's a generational problem that requires action.
But quality alone time can also be empowering: an oasis in the middle of an otherwise overwhelming and busy week. More than a third of single Britons enjoy taking themselves out on solo dates, also known as "masturdating", according to a recent survey of 2,000 people. Turns out, women are more confident about dating themselves, with 41% saying they were happy to romance themselves, compared to around 37% of men. Five women told us how they like to spend their solo date nights (and days)...
Lucy Vincent, business manager
I'm independent by nature and have never shied away from solo self-love, but after a break-up at the beginning of the year ,"taking myself out" became something I made a lot more time for (and still do). I'd got used to spending every evening with someone, and after that ended suddenly I didn't want to be at a loose end or do the opposite and madly fill up every night with social stuff. So I took myself out. I'd have a two-course Vietnamese dinner in an empty restaurant or a curry, always with a large glass of wine, a book or an overdue phone call I'd been meaning to make. I’ve never understood why it’s acceptable for men to sit in pubs on their own and yet when a woman does people think it looks "desperate". I had a solo pub date drinking pints and watching the football the other week and it was blissful. Life is hectic and at times it can be emotionally overwhelming. Doing the things you love by yourself is healing, it cheers you up and at the very least, gives you an hour or two to reflect. I say embrace it – and leave your phone at home.
Charisse Chikwiri, writer, creative consultant & DJ
I used to find the idea of taking myself out for dinner or to see a live concert incredibly daunting (and weird). I was an awkward teen and I worried about people thinking I was a "loner". I placed way too much value on others’ opinions of me, instead of just focusing on doing what made me feel good.
But now I’ve realised that solitude is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself – and it doesn’t have to be reserved for private spaces. There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone. What I love about solitude is how it gives me time to reflect, re-centre and recharge.
Some of my favourite solo dates are walking or cycling through nature, it’s always a cathartic experience. Oh, and pamper days! What is greater than dedicating a whole day to getting your nails done, a fresh wax and a new hairdo? It feels like a revival of self.
As a freelancer, I’m always looking for cute food spots and cafés to work from. Sitting in my house all day gets mind-numbing at times. I also love music and have started going to shows and parties alone. I realised I was tired of being reliant on friends to have a good time.
Suzanne Bearne, freelance journalist
Even though I live on my own and work from home on my own most days, I still crave solitude. Not just nights spent knocking up recipes with obscure ingredients or pottering around on my balcony garden (although I adore doing both), but actual escapism beyond my flat and home town of Margate. I throw things in my backpack and head to the train station, sometimes unsure of the end destination, venturing to places like Faversham, Whitstable or Canterbury. I might delve into the town's history by visiting a castle or museum, or find somewhere to sneakily change into my swimsuit and go for a refreshing dip. One afternoon during last week's heatwave I felt compelled to separate myself from the laptop and cycle along the coast to Broadstairs, taking in the steep chalk cliffs, the idyllic bays, and the translucent turquoise sea along the scenic journey. Rewarding myself with an expensive scoop of pistachio ice cream, I lost the next few hours lying on the golden sands buried in a novel.
This isn't to say I don't love playing the social butterfly – I'm fortunate to have a huge group of friends – but after, say, a weekend of revelling with pals at a festival, or hosting a friend at my flat, I need to top up my solitude dial. And when I do, it's like letting out a huge breath of air.
Georgia Murray, fashion & beauty writer at Refinery29 UK
I take myself on solo dates all the time, although I just call it hanging out with myself, as I don't think you should reserve all your fun for other people! My boyfriend worked two weekends a month for a long time and five of my closest friends moved abroad in the space of a year, so I quickly learned to make the most of my free time. My favourite days are Sundays, when I go for a morning jog around Peckham Rye, which is full of dogs so makes me exponentially happy, before having a coffee and reading the papers at my favourite café – it's run by a lovely Italian man who I now have weekly catch-ups with.
I leave my phone at home, people-watch, and enjoy time alone with my thoughts. I'll sometimes then head to the cinema or to South London Gallery or Dulwich Picture Gallery afterwards too. Usually I end the day by painting my nails and reading a book in the bath. I often have work events in the week, and between living with my boyfriend, seeing friends, and work, alone time is vital in keeping my head above water. I now resent when I don't have at least one evening or weekend day to myself.
Tanne, charity sector campaigner
My work can be exhausting at times, both emotionally and physically. I think it’s really important to take time to look after yourself, particularly when you're trying to bring about change that doesn’t always happen quickly. I regularly have evenings on my own for self-care and to take a moment to reflect on life. Being alone often provides me with unexpected inspiration and energy. Long walks and wild swimming make me feel particularly revived. Being in nature is good for my wellbeing and I'd encourage anyone to get outside, whether in a local park or in the countryside to benefit their mental health. When you're surrounded by nothing but trees, wildlife and an open sky, there's a deeper level of calm that we should all experience much more often.
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