Have you heard the news? Pete Davidson, Ariana Grande's newly acquired fiancé, "exudes big dick energy." Also known as BDE, big dick energy is a new name for an age-old concept. People who have big dicks, you see, are super confident. But they're quiet about it, because they don't need to show off. Their dick has them covered.
At least, that seems to be the working definition that people on Twitter have been using since a tweet about Davidson's BDE went viral. (It's a tweet he's all too happy to "confirm," btw). And, apparently, you don't need to have a big dick, or even have a penis at all, to have BDE. According to many on the internet, celebrities like Cate Blanchett and Rihanna have loads of BDE.
But what is BDE, really? Is it a real thing? And how much does it actually have to do with penis size? Read on to see what four sexologists think about BDE (spoiler alert: It's a real thing).
"Absolutely I believe in BDE. I've sniffed this out in men for many years, there just wasn't a term for Big Dick Energy 'til now.
"BDE is indicated by how a man carries himself, and the vibe he puts out. He's got a subtle, sexy confidence about him, as he knows what he's endowed with and the pleasure it can give. There's a twinkle in his eye that whispers, I know I can get you off big time. This mysterious air about him can be extremely exciting. But the prize is yet to come!
"But I'd describe Cate Blanchett and Rihanna's energy as sensual beings with super sexual confidence, rather than BDE. Because hey, you need to have a dick to have big dick energy." — Sadie Allison, PhD, founder and CEO of Tickle Kitty, Inc.
"People have been batting this meme around forever, saying that if you have a bigger than average penis you have more libido. The whole thing keeps a myth afloat that keeps most men feeling less-than about the size of their genitals rather than focusing on their sexual technique and emotional intelligence. While there are certainly men who have high libidos and want to be sexual more times a week than average, it doesn't have to do with the size of one's penis.
"What I've coined is Sex Esteem, which is the confidence and calm curiosity to explore sexuality and eroticism whether with yourself or your casual or long-term partners." — Sari Cooper, LCSW, certified sex therapist and director of Center for Love and Sex.
"This all harkens back to the idea that if a guy has a big dick he's just like the man. Everything sold in the media is like bigger boobs, bigger butts, bigger dicks. So it's like 'Oh he's got that big dick.' But, you don't even know! People are extrapolating the way someone carries himself into saying he must have a big dick. But, regardless of whatever size your penis is, you can exude the BDE or the big dick energy.
"I think this is someone who's really secure in their body and themselves. They're not pretentious or overly nervous. It's just this quiet confidence. Like, 'I'm fine. I'm cool. I'm secure. I'm chill.'
"Anyone can have big dick energy, whether you're a man, a woman, in between, whatever. As long as you carry yourself with that confidence and have that cool security. BDE doesn't meant that you literally have to have a big dick and it's emitting energy. You draw your energy from your own dick on the inside." — Megan Stubbs, Ed.D, a clinical sexologist.
"In looking at the similarities between the folks being described as having BDE, they all present as confident and self-assured without being arrogant. I wouldn’t be surprised if they rated low on neuroticism, the personality trait associated with anxiety, emotional reactivity, and self-consciousness. Without traits like self consciousness, they could more easily be open and direct with others. They also wouldn’t take themselves too seriously and could laugh at their mistakes. We associate these qualities with being well-endowed because in a phallocentric culture, having a big dick comes with privilege, power, and confidence. People with BDE carry themselves in a way that makes us believe in their...gifts. They have something to offer and they know it. And we like it.
"While we might not be able to guess actual penis size, we certainly can tell when someone is open, relaxed, or confident. If people want to call that BDE, alright. Language is always evolving. But BDE isn’t about penis size, it’s about the energy. It is about the presence of being: the way someone carries themselves, interacts with others, sees themselves. So BDE does not need to be gender bound or genitalia-specific." — Shadeen Francis, MFT, a marriage and family therapist specializing in sex therapy and social justice.
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