If there's one thing we collectively don't know how to do as millennial women, it's take a break. Sure, I try my best to take advantage of our paid time off, but I often feel programmed to Instagram my time on the beach (otherwise, did it really happen?) and scan through my inboxes with feet in the sand "just in case." So, leading up to my one-month sabbatical — a benefit after four years of employment at Refinery29 — I was determined to give myself a true step back from the daily grind (read: no Slack, no Google Hangouts, no writing stories on airplanes, etc.).
I planned to use the time off to travel to places I'd always dreamed of going — namely Arizona, Hawaii, Japan, Korea, and Italy — and spent weeks figuring out logistics, booking flights and stays, and daydreaming up the perfect outfits for each scene I'd encounter. I even hoped to take care of a few of those life-tasks on my to-do list that never seem to get done (DMV, anyone?). For someone who didn't get the chance to have a study abroad experience or post-college globe-trot, this 13-cities-in-30-days trip had a lot in store for me — but not only in the ways I anticipated. I was in for a real awakening.
I didn't delete my Instagram account or leave my phone at home. I enjoy capturing my travels and sharing them with my followers and friends, but the rare opportunity to be thousands of miles away for an extended period of time doesn't come without both good and bad realizations. A lot can happen in four weeks — coworkers moving on to new opportunities, friends breaking up and making up, seasons changing. No complaints here — a month with no deadlines or technical responsibilities is quite literally a dream come true, in a lot of ways, but during the final leg of my sabbatical, I knew I had to take a moment to contemplate the good, the bad, and the ugly that we all know travel can bring.
Click ahead for some of the thoughts and reflections I brought back with me. I hope that if and when you get to embark on your own version of a sabbatical, whether it be a break between jobs or a mental-health retreat, that you, too take a moment to reflect. Like me, you might be surprised what bubbles up when you leave your bubble.
Life Goes On
There's an excerpt in Georgia Clark's forthcoming book The Bucket List, which I read on my trip, that explains the feeling of deciding to leave a party a bit early, hugging all of your friends goodbye, and experiencing that brief but potent sunken feeling that sets in when you turn around at the doorway and realise they've all gone back to partying without you.
The same goes for packing your bags for weeks of traveling, saying goodbye to the people in your life for an extended period of time. Most of us who work full-time spend more time with our coworkers than we do our families, and realising that the Work Machine continues to churn with or without you is both comforting and kind of an ego-blow.
Photo: Courtesy of Alyssa Coscarelli.
A Month Isn't That Long Of A Time
The idea of 30 days off can feel like a real-life miracle. What can you possibly even do with that much free time? For someone who's used to working 9:30am to 6:30pm Monday through Friday, I anticipated four weeks without that commitment to be a total rebirth.
But it depends how you decide to spend it. For me, travel was the most obvious choice, because I had decided long ago that's what I'd do with the break and had been saving up for it since. But if you spend the time traveling to cities on the other side of the globe, four weeks goes by in a blink.
Photo: Courtesy of Alyssa Coscarelli.
You Probably Won't Fix Your Entire Life At Once
Leading up to my sabbatical, I made grand plans to catch up on every podcast, book, long-read, and Netflix documentary I'd been "meaning" to consume. I even thought I might have time to do things like go to the DMV to address my expired license, finally go to the chiropractor I've been putting off for months, go through and delete some of the photos on my phone, have a catch-up phone call with two of my best friends, clean off my computer desktop, organise my closet, purge all of my beauty products, make vision boards and big plans and goals and visions for the future.
Did any of this happen? No, it didn't really. But, I chose to use the time for travel, and that's okay by me. The life list is always growing and always will be — a month off from work won't change that.
Photo: Courtesy of Alyssa Coscarelli.
It'll Take More Than A Few Days To Fully Unplug
I told everyone I'd delete email, Slack, and Google Hangouts from my phone for the length of my sabbatical. But it takes more than a few days to unplug. I couldn't get myself to do it, at first. I worried I'd miss something or something would go wrong in my first few days of being gone, and since I hadn't left the country or my usual time zone yet, I figured I could stay online "just in case."
But that also means my vacation didn't truly start until I was able to actually wipe those apps from my phone. And even then, it took another few days for the anxiety and FOMO to subside.
Photo: Courtesy of Alyssa Coscarelli.
When Inspiration Strikes (Which It Will), Write It Down
I always keep running lists of ideas and musings in my Notes app, but to be honest, it had run pretty dry leading up to my trips. When you're in your usual routine, you can fall out of the habit of jotting down your hopes, dreams, and big ideas — or just not have the energy to even have any.
But, you'll be amazed how many ideas can strike when you change up your scenery, expose yourself to other cultures, or take a step back to look at your world from the outside. The inspiration is real away from home, folks, but you have to leave to find it. And when you do, a pen and paper or a Notes app are your friend, no matter how big or small the thought.
Photo: Courtesy of Alyssa Coscarelli.
Try Being Away... At Home
Between trips, I had a few days in New York to myself, without work commitments. Have you ever been in your home-base city without any actual requirements? I'm not talking about that one Sunday, that one time. I mean a solid couple of days, at home, with no meetings, no social plans, no work and no other appointments. That, right there, is true bliss.
I took a walk in my neighbourhood with nowhere to be. I had lunch at my favourite spot. I saw an exhibit in your home city I probably wouldn't have otherwise gone to unless family was in town. I took a workout class in the middle of the day (this was a foreign concept to me, and it was THE BEST). Being out-of-office but still being home is a great way to see your city with fresh eyes and focus time on yourself.
Photo: Courtesy of Alyssa Coscarelli.
Turns Out, Mental Health Exists Outside The News Cycle
You've probably had a friend or two tell you they've unplugged from the news except for one podcast, turned off their CNN push notifications, or stopped watching any news altogether because it's just too depressing. I, on the other hand, have felt even more of a responsibility to stay informed since President Trump took office.
But, unintentionally taking a break from daily news and politics feeds was the best thing I could have accidentally done on sabbatical. It wasn't on purpose, but while traveling, I didn't scroll through Twitter as much as I do when I'm at my desk. American news wasn't playing in every car I got in or on every TV I saw in public, and I spent more time taking in newness around me than with my head down, reading about the latest American failure.
Photo: Courtesy of Alyssa Coscarelli.
Easing Back Into Real Life Is Key
To be honest, I wish I factored in a "buffer day" (or three) before heading back into work. This is something I didn't do, and would have if I could go back in time. Not only is the jet-lag real when you've been six hours ahead for the previous ten days, but it would have given me a day to get some laundry done, unpack, get a good workout in, and maybe work through a few emails to head back to the nine-to-five life more clear-headed.
There's Beauty In Consistency
If you're into skincare at all, you may have heard that your skin is fond of consistency — it'll probably be its calmest when it's a routine of products and treatment. But, as it turns out, it's not just skin that likes consistency — it's general sanity, too. There's beauty in knowing what lies ahead each day, even if it is just another nine-hour day plugging away at the office. It was comforting to come back to my Google Calendar, with everything in its place, and be able to look ahead at what's to come and get back into my routine, from work to food to skincare to exercise. I can already feel my body and mind readjusting to normalcy.
My Work Gives Me Purpose
Even though work can sometimes feel like, well, work, it takes stepping away for a while (okay, a long while) to realise the feeling of purpose a job can provide. Of course, I can't complain about the opportunity to travel the world, but even though work can be stressful, it's what gives me the drive and desire to get up every morning. I love what I do, and I was ready to come back to it after a month away because it makes me who I am and aligns with my passions.
My Everyday Life Is My Best Life
"You're living your best life! Soooo jealous!" These are the types of social media comments and e-mails I got while on vacation, and while, yes, eating pizza and pasta for all three meals and kicking my feet up on a beach lounger do, indeed, make for a pretty good existence, I couldn't help but feel like, Wait a minute. Why can't my usual, everyday life be my best life?
Why do we praise each other for shelling a ton of money and living the vacation lifestyle, but not for hustling day in and day out? If you ask me, we should be complimenting each other's daily accomplishments just as much as the rare opportunity we get to live a more lavish life abroad. My everyday routine of waking up, working, exercising, and running errands can be just as much my "best life" as a vacation can.
Photo: Courtesy of Alyssa Coscarelli.
Everything Can Feel New Again
On my first day back to reality as I know it, I felt like I could see my city and my life with new eyes. Riding the subway, cruising in a cab with the windows down, hitting my local coffee shop, and feeling the spring-in-the-city sun on my skin all felt like a gift, as cheesy as that may sound. And that, in itself, was an accomplishment — to say that I was away long enough to not only unplug, but also return with a new perspective on my own turf and on the world around me is something not everyone can say they're able to do. And that's what I'm truly grateful for.
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