A few years ago, a friend introduced her new boyfriend. When I asked how they'd met, she lowered her voice and leaned in conspiratorially, like she was about to disclose her bank PIN and mother's maiden name. Turns out, they'd matched through a dating app but were officially telling people that they'd met at a pub — as in, the pub where they'd arranged to grab drinks after weeks of chatting online.
These days, you'd be hard-pressed to find a London single — and even some two-timing not-so-singles — who hasn't outsourced their love life to dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Happn, Her, Raya and The League. There's no stigma, just a steady stream of swipes.
Dating apps and sites offer convenience, choice, and instant confidence boosts, and many of the couples clutching red roses and paying for overpriced steak-for-two this Valentine's Day are bound to have first connected online.
For the rest of us, however, it's easy to get discouraged by dick pics, matches that don't go anywhere, and first dates that fizzle out within the first 30 seconds. Many people crave chemistry and crushes and banter and the flush of flirting in the flesh. They want spontaneity and meet-cutes worthy of a rom-com. It's not that online dating rules all that out (see: You've Got Mail); it's that meeting someone IRL (in real life, Mum) and by chance can feel, for some, more romantic and kismet-y.
There's no wrong or right way to meet The One. But if you've got Bumble burnout or feel like you'll never find someone if you're not swiping enough to develop carpal tunnel syndrome, take heart. These London-based couples all met IRL — through work, through friends, hell, even through parents — and are proof that "old-fashioned" offline romance hasn't entirely expired.
Who knows? Maybe next Valentine's Day you'll be splitting a crème brûlée with someone you met in an Uber pool, at a pub quiz, or on a blind date. And if not, there's always an app for that.
Nicole and Tom
Length of relationship: Together four years, married since November 2016
How did you meet?
Nicole: "We 'officially' met at our previous jobs back in 2014; we used to work for the same company, but were on different projects so our paths didn't cross too much. Our first actual conversation was at our company's summer day out. We then got to know each other properly a few weeks later through the age-old British tradition of after-work drinks at the pub 'round the corner."
Were you nervous about dating a colleague?
Nicole: "I was definitely nervous from the beginning, especially with people seeing us interacting when we didn't have any reason to be! I basically just avoided walking by his desk (which was hard because it was en route to the toilets), but we spent most of our time emailing each other throughout the day.
"I don't see that much of a problem with [dating a colleague] as long as it's all above-board. Neither of us reported to each other, and we had different bosses. We spend so much time at work and in our offices, it makes sense that people become so close."
What was your experience on dating apps prior to that?
Nicole: "My Tinder experiences were pretty bleak, to be honest. Mostly overly sexual messages or just endless back and forth with guys that never actually wanted to meet up in person. And the guys I did end up meeting in person would be great, but then would fizzle out quite quickly."
Do you think you would have matched with each other on an app?
Nicole: "I think we would. I definitely thought he was cute when I saw him and he's very clever. He was always super-charming when we would email each other at work, so I feel like that would translate well over a dating app."
Photo: Courtesy of Nicole Ocran.
Greta and Jack
Length of relationship: Friends for four years, dating for one
How did you meet?
Greta: "A mutual friend of ours noticed we had the same interests and suggested I add Jack on Facebook. We started chatting online. Later that month, that friend and I happened to walk past Jack's house and we simply knocked on his door to say hello. But at the time I wasn't single, or then I was and he wasn't, so our first interactions were of strong friendship and so on for years."
Were you wary of a set-up?
Jack: "At the time there was no talk of future relationships. Our friend Jay just thought we had a lot in common. Years later he said that he knew eventually something would come of it. Of course, he didn't tell us that at the time."
What were your previous experiences with dating apps?
Jack: "I had an account on Tinder for about a year. I suppose my experience was that it was kind of ridiculous, a bit of a meat market for people-matching. I met a few people off of it. One turned out to be a bit 'stalky', and there were a few short-term flings and quite a lot of first dates. I'm not entirely sure that you'd find the love of your life on there without spending a lot of time sifting through people, but isn't that the same for 'old-school' dating as well?
But on lots of these apps you don’t even get to the point where you do talk. It's just 'swipe left' and move on. You wonder how many people miss out on beautiful relationships by being so quick to judge someone based on a few heavily edited pictures or how witty/not witty their profile description is."
Do you think being friends helped foster romance?
Greta: "There were so many benefits to being close friends [first]. We have an endless backlog of inside jokes, and we'd discussed important views on our lifestyles."
Photo: Courtesy of Jack Oughton.
Adrianna and James
Length of relationship: Three years
How did you meet?
Adrianna: "Via Airbnb. I was in grad school at the time and living in a house where the owner posted our extra bedroom on Airbnb. James needed a place to live for two months. We just sorta hit it off and bonded over our travels, research, and love for macaroni and cheese."
Did it seem risky to date a flatmate?
Adrianna: "I kind of embraced the fact that we would only be sharing the house for two months, so what did I have to lose? I did want to keep it quiet from our other housemates who owned the place because I didn't want to make them worried. We did come clean, and our housemates were totally fine with it."
What was your experience with dating apps like?
Adrianna: "I tried Tinder and OkCupid. I kind of fell into a pattern where I would be active on a dating app for three months and then either get bored, annoyed by creeps on the app, or just wasn't excited by anyone I was meeting so I would delete it and then re-download the app a couple months later when I felt ready again. I did meet a few nice guys, but there was never a real connection. I do think that dating apps have put a hold on meeting people naturally in real life — I've actually seen guys and girls in pubs or clubs on Tinder, swiping while surrounded by loads of people."
Do you think you would have matched if you'd come across one another on a dating app?
Adrianna: "I like to think so, though he is a bit opposite to the type of guys I dated when I was at university. But I think that's what made me attracted to him in the first place. I'm also the opposite type of girl he was used to dating as well. I think all the guys I met (and all the girls he met) on apps led us to figure out what we really wanted out of a partner and helped us realise that we are great for one another."
Photo: Courtesy photo.
Effie and Spartakus
Length of relationship: Five months
How did you meet?
Effie: "My mother went to his friends’ wedding in Greece. They met and joked around as Spar is every mum’s favourite guy. She mentioned having a daughter (me) that also lives in the UK. A couple of weeks later he found me on Facebook. I had a medical course in London, where he lives, so we met up for drinks and a drag show. It wasn't even a date; it was like two mates meeting for some beers. But then we kissed."
Do you think you would have matched with each other on an app?
Effie: "Neither of us have used dating apps, so I don't have the slightest clue about the questions or filters they have. But if you just based it off our taste in music, our lifestyles, or even our location — I'm in medical school in Manchester, while he's based in London — I don't think we would have.
"I am more of a physical person who is into yoga and kickboxing; I like quiet weekends in the countryside. Spar would rather spend a weekend going to concerts and drinking with friends, or trying new recipes. But the things we don't have in common inspire us to have interesting conversations and we both try to appreciate the other's different way of enjoying life. At the same time, we use the things we have in common to bond more easily. I think you need both aspects for a relationship to be interesting and successful in the long term."
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