A well-written poem can capture our feelings and lighten our emotional load like little else, and this is particularly true – and reassuring – in times of heartbreak. Writers have always helped readers feel less alone via lengthy verses, novels, plays, films and TV shows, but the recent rise of poetry on social media means it has never been easier to find a short, well-crafted line or verse that gives voice to our messy emotions.
The latest Instapoet making us lean in to our feelings? Lang Leav, a bestselling author and internet sensation with more than 420k Instagram followers, five poetry books and one novel under her belt. Her work is fearless in its exploration of love and heartbreak, and its resonance is evidenced by its overwhelming popularity. Her books have topped bestseller lists the world over.
With Instapoets (and now Astro Poets) blowing up the internet, poetry book sales going from strength to strength, superstars like Beyoncé sampling poetry in their work, and spoken-word events considered increasingly fashionable, poetry is now cool – and so are the feelings it inspires. Refinery29 spoke to Leav, who lives in Auckland, New Zealand, about love and heartbreak in the age of the Instapoet.
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How would you describe love in a sentence?
I’m going to quote the legendary Carole King. “Only love is real, everything else is an illusion.”
What is the defining characteristic of love in the 21st century?
Love, as a human emotion, remains unchanged. However, our attitudes toward love and relationships have evolved over time. In the 21st century, women in many parts of the world are financially independent and unlike our predecessors, no longer have to rely on men. This affords us the freedom to choose what we want when it comes to love and relationships. I was thrilled to hear Jacinda Ardern [the prime minister of New Zealand] recently announce that she is pregnant. She will continue to hold office as a new mother while her partner takes on the role of a stay-at-home dad. I am so proud to be a citizen of a country where the preconceptions of love are being challenged. New Zealand was one of the first countries in the world to get behind marriage equality and I am thrilled that our leader is now openly and happily smashing gender roles.
What's the most poignant thing you've learned about love from your personal experiences?
A line from my new book Sea of Strangers reads, "Who you love and who loves you back determines so much in your life." I met my partner, Michael, eight years ago. When I look back on the last eight years, it is clear that my life would not be what it is if we had never met. There were many times when I wanted to give up on my writing but Michael convinced me to keep going. He believed in me, more than I believed in myself. Now, all these years later, I have the gift of hindsight and it beautifully illustrates the impact that falling in love with Michael has had on my life.
In your view, what has been the impact of technology on love and relationships?
I think technology opens up a world of possibilities for love and relationships. Today, many people are finding love at the swipe of a finger. Staying in touch with your loved ones is now a breeze. But at the same time, technology can be a barrier. Sometimes, the most important people in your life can get lost among the hundreds of friends that populate your social media. Recently we were in Fiji and there was no internet in our room. We spent our days swimming, reading and napping. It was wonderful! Our digital detox made us realise how much we miss out on when our eyes are glued to the screen.
Which are your favourite poems or verses that you've written about love?
"Us" from Lullabies, followed by "Stowaway" from Memories. These are my favourites because they capture moments in time that are deeply personal to me.
Which of your poems about love and heartbreak seem to resonate most with readers, and why do you think that is?
"Sea of Strangers" from my first book Love & Misadventure is the poem that seems to resonate the most. It also happens to be the very first poem I posted online. I was going through a tough, lonely time when I wrote it, several years ago. One night, I was drifting off to sleep when the poem suddenly appeared in my head. I sat up and scribbled it down in my notebook, my pen hardly able to keep up. When the poem was down on paper, I felt this overwhelming sense of relief. About a month later, I met Michael, a man who lived across the sea. It’s almost as though I wrote the poem for him. I think there is real magic in the poem. That’s why I have chosen Sea of Strangers as the title for my latest book.
Which are your favourite poems or verses that you've written about heartbreak?
"Numbers" from Memories and "September Love" from my new book Sea of Strangers. I think these two pieces in particular are successful in capturing the unique sentiment of lost love.
Do you prefer writing about love or heartbreak, and why?
I don’t really have a preference between the two. However, my work is often coloured by melancholy. I explore this theme in my debut novel, Sad Girls, where my main character, Audrey, shares her view on why sadness seems to permeate literature.
I’ve sat in on several interviews with writers and not all of them strike me as tortured souls. So it got me thinking, because a lot of literature is about struggle. But I don’t think all writers are sad. I think it’s the other way around – all sad people write. It’s a form of catharsis, a way of working through things that feel unresolved, like undoing a knot. People who are prone to sadness are more likely to pick up a pen.
Which poets do you most admire for their work on love?
Stylistically, Emily Dickinson is my biggest influence, followed closely by Robert Frost. I am currently obsessed with a poem titled "Love and a Question" by Frost. It paints a story where a pair of newlyweds are in their marital home. It is late at night when a stranger knocks on their door, looking for a place to stay. The poem ends on a cliffhanger. It makes the reader wonder, does the bridegroom allow the stranger to stay? What sort of consequences – if any – would this stranger bring to the happy couple? Frost has created such an intense atmosphere in a few short lines. I am seriously tempted to write a short story based on the poem, just to play out the possibilities of what could transpire.
Aside from writing, how have you coped with heartbreak in the past?
I don’t think there’s an easy answer to this question because everyone deals with heartbreak in their own way. Personally, I find channelling heartbreak into art and writing is so cathartic. I suppose it’s a way to transport that pain, to take it outside of yourself. If you put your sadness into a body of work, it tends to lighten the load somehow.
How would you reassure someone in the midst of heartbreak?
I would say that heartbreak is a necessary part of life. It makes you more empathetic as a person. Without going through the pain of heartbreak yourself, you can only be sympathetic to someone else going through it. True empathy can only come from experience.
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