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Famous Last Words: Madonna & Britney's Toxic Tribute

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So it’s my lifelong dream to create a word. A word that becomes so ubiquitous the OED has no choice but to put it in the dictionary. And I’ve invented that word, with the help of some friends, and that word is: sumpique (adj.). It’s technically an amalgamation of two words — sumptuous and unique but, nonetheless, it’s a word.

Now to use it in a sentence: Britney and Madonna’s Instagram interaction this week was truly sumpique. That’s right folks, the two divas came head to head this week in an inspo-off, paying homage to each other in a series of self-authored musical moments. It started off on December 1st, notably World AIDS Day, with her Madgesty singing Britney’s "Toxic", strumming her guitar, in a somewhat tasteless misuse of the song to pay homage to those lost to, and those still fighting, HIV and AIDS today.

While, of course, the song is a banger, when applied to a virus as heavily stigmatised as HIV and AIDS, ‘toxic’ takes on an entirely new and pretty unhelpful message. In response, Britney sung Elvis’s "I Can’t Help Falling in Love" in a 360-round shot above the caption “I was really inspired yesterday by @madonna ’s post. She’s right… silence = death!” While they are effective words, there was literally no mention of World AIDS Day, or ACT UP! — the radical activist group who coined the term, who are still fighting to end HIV and AIDS today. While the basic gay-boy inside me is screeching at Bri-Donna’s objectively sumpique interaction, the point was sorely missed.

Another sorely missed point this week was the absence of the inimitable Kesha on the cover of TIME ’s Person of the Year issue. In a similar, but much more successful, vein to Bri-Donna, the focus was pulled onto the ‘silence breakers’ — notably Tarana Burke, Selma Blair, Taylor Swift, Ashley Judd, Adam Iwu, Dana Lewis, among others, who spoke out against sexual assault and harassment in their respective industries.

Parts of the internet were overjoyed with this array of brilliant women, while others were up in arms: to omit Kesha, an artist who has been narrating the experience of sexual assault in the music industry for the past two years — before the vital #MeToo campaign became widely used — caused much fury. 2017 has been a year of silence-breaking across the board, and while the cover is certainly missing Kesha, it’s also missing countless other women who were instrumental in leading this revolution too. That said, however, if last year’s person of the year was Trump, 2017’s selection hopefully depicts a change in who is leading the conversation, and what that conversation is. TIME finally caught up with the times.

Speaking of silence breakers — after news of Kevin Spacey’s binning from House of Cards following numerous allegations of sexual assault against him, the world is wondering if Robin Wright will finally get equal (if not better) pay for her now top-billing role as Claire Underwood in that it-could-be-reality show all about murderous presidents. After four seasons of receiving less pay than her male counterpart (played by Spacey) and another season being lied to about it, the world is calling for better pay for Robin now that she’s stepping up. For seasons, viewers have been explaining that Wright is the main reason they keep coming back, and her battle to get equal pay is yet more testament to Hollywood’s exploitative treatment of women. Now the finale of the whole show lies in her hands, one can only wonder if payroll will finally recognise her value.

And while this week has been about people speaking up, someone who needs to pipe down is Ed Sheeran. Truly not sumpique. Bleakpique (so bleak it’s unique to him, adj.). Not only did he tarnish Beyoncé's flawless record in their truly heinous collaboration this week (I mean my ears are bleeding make it stop), he also landed himself on the top spot of the most played videos on YouTube this year, as well as being named as the most streamed artist of 2017 on Spotify. World, how did we get here? I’m so confused. His voice sounds like a whoopee cushion. He’s where culture goes to die, and offensive, patronising readings of intravenous drug users or women from Galway go to thrive. Are we not better than this? What about Solange? What about Kesha? What about Kelela? It’s time to take a long look at ourselves and ask if this is really what we want.

Something we do really want, however, is the next Bridesmaids. While it was confirmed that the iconic Kristen Wiig x Annie Mumolo penned masterpiece is not quite coming back for second helpings, Wiig did however reveal this week that she and Mumolo are working on another feature together — this one named Barb and Star go to Vita del Mar. While nobody knows any more details, we can all breathe a little more easily in the knowledge that fi-nal-ly the makers of the film I once watched back-to-back five times on a rager of a hangover are set to return. Truly sumpique.

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The True Link Between Hormonal Contraception & Breast Cancer Is Shocking

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There has long been evidence linking hormonal contraception to breast cancer, but it seems it's not just certain kinds of pills we should be worried about. According to a large new study, all forms of the pill and other hormonal contraception carry an increased risk of breast cancer.

Previously it was thought that newer forms of pill and devices, which contain less oestrogen than in the past, would be safer. But the research suggests that even progesterone-only contraceptives may raise the breast cancer risk.

The study, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, found that women who use hormonal contraception, including the pill and IUDs, run a 20% added risk of developing breast cancer compared with women who don't. Among those taking the pill for five years, this would equate to one extra case for every 1500 women. While the risk is significant, it's still small for women not already at high risk of developing the disease.

The huge piece of research, which followed 1.8 million Danish women under 50 for more than a decade, also found that the longer a woman takes hormonal contraception, the greater the risk.

Women who had used it for more than a decade showed a 38% additional risk compared with nonusers, while there was no increased risk among those who had used hormones for less than a year, the New York Times reported. The risk was also greater among women over 40.

Dr Marisa Weiss, an oncologist who founded US website breastcancer.org and wasn't involved in the study, said the study was important "because we had no idea how the modern day pills compared to the old-fashioned pills in terms of breast cancer risk, and we didn’t know anything about IUDs." She told the New York Time s: “Gynecologists just assumed that a lower dose of hormone meant a lower risk of cancer. But the same elevated risk is there.”

A drawback of the research was that it didn't take into account other factors that may influence breast cancer risk, such as physical activity, alcohol consumption and breastfeeding. It's also important to bear in mind the potential benefits of certain hormonal contraceptives and weigh these against the small breast cancer risk.

These include “substantial reductions in the risks of ovarian, endometrial and colorectal cancers in later life," Professor David Hunter, from the Nuffield Department of Population Health, told the Guardian.

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The Pregnancy Test Has Been Redesigned & It's Now Eco Friendly

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Many elements of medicine that mostly affect women have failed to evolve in tandem with modern technology: from contraception to the vaginal speculum – a fact that many believe is a product of our patriarchal society. But thankfully change is afoot. Pioneering women are creating new forms of contraception and redesigning existing devices to make other women's lives more bearable.

The latest item being reworked? The pregnancy test. The traditional test has barely changed in the last 30 years, but a new version has been created that's good for women and the planet.

Female-run startup Lia Diagnostics announced earlier this week that it will be launching the world's first flushable pregnancy test, making it more private and convenient for women to check whether or not they're pregnant and cutting the amount of plastic and other non-sustainable material that ends up in landfill, TechCrunch reported. The flushable device works in the same way as a traditional plastic test, reacting to a woman's urine and displaying two lines on the stick if she's pregnant, one line if she's not.

“It’s been the same stick test since 1987, and that’s kind of crazy,” said Bethany Edwards, who founded the company in 2015 with Anna Simpson. Edwards started working on the idea as part of her masters at the University of Pennsylvania, where she was interested in material science innovations.

“Single-use diagnostics are only used for a couple of minutes, and they’re all made out of plastic and non-sustainable materials,” Edwards said. The Lia test, by contrast, is biodegradable as it's made of a special paper that breaks down in water, making it safe to flush down the toilet and ensuring that no one will find it in the bin.

The device has been cleared by the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and will be available online via Amazon and the company's own website in mid-2018, with a worldwide rollout expected in due course.

Unlike many other ethical and/or "sustainable" products, such as tampons, it won't cost a fortune compared to regular tests. It'll be priced somewhere between $9 and $22 (£6.70 – £16.40) and buyers can also choose to donate a test to the company's partner organisations for $10 (£7.50), including Planned Parenthood Global. Win win all round. Could this be the future of pregnancy tests?

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Why So Many Relationships End After Christmas

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Have you ever noticed that a lot of relationships end after the Christmas? Call it the January comedown, call it breakup season, call it whatever you want. But there's something in the air after the clock strikes midnight on 31st December — and that something signals the end for a lot of couples.

It's not just a random coincidence. A lot of people in relationships will stick it out through the Christmas season, even if they feel that the partnership has run its course. "This time of year evokes such an emotional response in people, that they sometimes want to hide from the negative things going on in their lives and focus on the happy stuff," says Carlen Costa, PhD, a therapist and sexologist. "Instead of facing reality, it's easier to just go into Christmas dreamland and pretend everything is okay."

This time of year also has a funny way of putting the pressure on your relationship. "We're exposed to family dynamics and cultural expectations more so during the holidays than during other parts of the year," says Amie Harwick, PhD, a marriage and family therapist. "You may have family asking you when you're planning on getting married, which may make you question whether or not that's actually something you want from this specific partnership." Dr. Harwick also says that the stress of being around family can trigger feelings of unease in your relationship, too.

But what both she and Dr. Carlen agree on is that waiting until after Christmas is a terrible idea. "If it's an imminent breakup, hanging on can actually have more long-lasting, negative affects," Dr. Harwick says. "It affects your way to set boundaries when needed in a healthy way, but it also teaches you not to be honest and upfront about your feelings."

Dr. Carlen notes that it can also take you out of the bigger picture. "People put their lives on hold during this time of year, just to get through it," she says. "But that means that you're not moving forward in a positive way. Your life can't just stop because it's Christmas."

So if you're plotting to go your own way sooner than later, it's better to pull the plug now, even if you're worried that breaking up around the holidays will be hard — for you or your partner.

"We're all so concerned about having a 'good' breakup," Dr. Harwick says. "But there's always going to be a reason not to break up, whether it's a holiday, a birthday, whatever. Waiting for a certain time of year is never going to make the breakup better or worse." So as much as you don't want to feel like the only one riding solo around the holiday party circuit (which you won't be), or you can barely face explaining to your extended family that things didn't work out, it's better to do it now. "It's better to rip the Band-Aid off," Dr. Carlen says. "It will be better for you both in the long run."

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Holding Hot Coffee Makes You Likeable (& Other Life Tips From A Social Psychologist)

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Social psychologists spend their lives in labs, playing tricks on people to find out more about the human condition. Or so it seems, when you read Yale University professor John Bargh’s new book, Before You Know It. They get funding to test out all sorts of human peculiarities and come out of it with some seriously fascinating insights into the way our brains, consciences and emotions work. Here’s some oddly helpful life advice gleaned from scientific experiments that John Bargh either did himself or referenced in his research on unconscious thought.

1. Only ever meet someone for the first time while they’re holding a hot coffee
The experiment goes like this: Participants meet a man in an elevator on the way to the lab at Yale University. The man is an experimenter and he’s holding either a hot coffee in a paper cup or an iced coffee in a plastic cup, and he asks the study participant to hold it for 10 seconds while he gets something out of his briefcase. They’re not really aware that the experiment just started. Once in the lab, they’re all asked to read a description of a person and rank how they feel about them. The people who held the hot coffee liked the sound of that person much more than those who held the iced coffee. This confirmed John Bargh’s suspicion that there’s a primal link between actual, physical warmth and social warmth or likeability. You’re more likely to like someone if you’ve just felt physical warmth. So if you’re going for a job interview or on a first date, maybe take a hot beverage and ask your future boss or husband to hold it right before you introduce yourself.

2. Never do a maths test in your swimming costume
Put a group of women and men in a room. Split them up. Give half of them swimming costumes to change into and half of them jumpers to put on over their clothes. Send them into changing rooms, tell them to look themselves up and down in a full-length mirror and then ask them how they feel about their body in a questionnaire. Then get them to sit down and do a maths test. The women in the swimming costumes, now that they’ve been made aware of their own bodies and perhaps feel vulnerable in minimal clothing, will do worse on their tests than the women in jumpers. They’ll get an average of 2.5 correct answers, compared to 4 for the jumper-clad ladies. The men’s scores will not be affected at all. This is proof that when women are made aware of their own body identities, say at the beach, they become distracted and revert to the social conditioning that told them to assess their own value based on physical attractiveness rather than intelligence.

3. Don’t freak out if you start to look like your romantic partner
When we care about someone or spend a lot of time with them, we start to mimic their facial expressions, body language and speech patterns. So consider a couple who’ve been married for 30, maybe 40 years. They’ve been mimicking one another’s facial expressions every day for decades, using the same facial muscles. Eventually, they develop similar line patterns on their faces, which probably makes them look more like one another than when they started out dating. An experiment got people to compare pictures of married people on their wedding day and then 25 years later and they all agreed that the couples looked far more like each other after their quarter-century anniversary. They also said they looked more alike than sets of strangers (and they weren’t told which ones were married and which ones were not).

4. The crime rate gets higher when you have a baby
Or so you believe... When you become a parent, you want to protect your child and that instinct heightens your awareness of danger. You might start to see ordinary household objects like window blind cords or electrical sockets as sinister because of the potential danger they pose to your child. Being vigilant about a baby’s safety actually leads us to think the world is a more dangerous place than it was before they were born. A survey asked 1,800 Americans whether they thought the crime rate had changed over the past eight years. If they had not had a child during that time, they’d say the crime rate had declined – which it had. If they did have a child during that time, though, their most common answer was that the crime rate had increased – which it had not.

5. Sadness will make you want to spend more money
Strong emotions like disgust and sadness have an economic effect. In an experiment, people were shown the four-minute scene in Trainspotting where the character goes to a very disgusting bathroom. Then they were asked to write about how they’d feel if that were them, forcing them to feel disgusted. When they were given a highlighter and then asked to sell it, they were willing to take a relatively low price to get rid of it because the feeling of disgust left over from watching the toilet scene put them in a mood to get rid of their belonging. Same experiment, but with a sad scene from the movie The Champ, where the boy’s mentor dies. After reflecting on how that scene made them feel, people would sell the highlighter cheaply but, interestingly, wanted to pay more to buy the highlighter. Sadness motivated them to want to change the way they felt by spending more money. So be careful going on a shopping spree after watching The Notebook – that’s the lesson here.

Before You Know It: The Unconscious Reasons We Do What We Do by John Bargh is published by William Heinemann (hardback, £20).

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How To Decorate Your Home, According To Your Star Sign

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Your star sign can reveal a lot about your personality and, in turn, your relationship with home. Your element – fire, water, air or earth – may determine whether you like open spaces and plenty of light, or prefer a cosy, warming environment. So whether you're a social butterfly and love entertaining or would rather curl up for some quality 'me time', we've put together some simple decorating tips to help you discover which style suits you, from symbols and materials to the ideal colour scheme for your sign. Let us know if we got it right!

Aries: March 21st – April 19th

Bold and Full of Energy
Element: Fire

As a risk-taking Aries, your fiery nature along with the influence of Mars means you'll look for bold statements in the home. A simple, open-plan interior is perfect for the clutter-loathing Aries, so minimalism will help to provide your energetic, entrepreneurial nature with focus. You hate cleaning, so arranging your space in a tidy manner will minimise this.

Strong reds and warm oranges play to your fiery nature and lift your mood, against neutral background shades to maintain calm. In keeping with your excellent time management and productive attitude, this statement Wild Wood Goldfish Orange Wall Clock, £30 from Trouva, injects energy and fun. As a fire sign, candles are important, and a fireplace would provide endless pleasure. You'll burn through a lot, so try this easy-to-replace M&S 3 Wick Candle, £6. You like deep, warm rugs underfoot, like this West Elm Ashik Wool Runner, £199. Sounds cosy, right? Balance out the richness with some delicate pieces made from glass and fine metals. This Habitat Geometric Glass Table Lamp, £65, is minimal and modern.

Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

Sensual and Luxurious
Element: Earth

As a Taurus you're practical and grounded, finding peace in spaces that bring the outdoors in. Your home should be sumptuous and comfortable; quality and craftsmanship is important to you. Taureans love to entertain, so the ideal space will have lots of room for dinners and parties. Neutral tones, pastel shades and accents of green energise your earthly nature, as do traditional materials like wood and clay.

Being ruled by Venus, the planet of love, makes you seek paradise in the home. A luxurious sofa is essential and this Swoon Editions Tivoli Corner Sofa, £1,299, comes in emerald green velvet, a particularly uplifting colour for Taureans.

As an earth sign, you need to be connected to the outdoors so make sure to fill your space with greenery. Buck the cheese plant trend with this super cute Geo-Fleur Pilea Peperomioides, £10. Your everyday objects should be rustic and have a natural appeal, like these Bloomingville Sandrine Plates, £16 from Trouva, and this H&M Wooden Chopping Board, £17.99. Arket's Scented Candle in Oakmoss, £17, is aesthetically pleasing and guaranteed to fill your home with the green, earthy scent you love.

Gemini: May 21st – June 20th

Breezy and Quirky
Element: Air

Geminis are social butterflies who love attention and spending time with friends. You thrive in open, sociable spaces that have plenty of room for gatherings. As the sign of the twins, you are drawn to pairs but can be fickle and change your mind on a whim, so make your living space amenable to frequent adaptation. This will also keep clutter at bay, as you can tend to accumulate stuff.

Geminis are best suited to lighthearted, eclectic decor but can be pulled in too many directions so instead look for accent items, like a pair of these H&M Velvet Cushions, £12.99. This Urban Outfitters Cinema Style Message Board, £45, means you can create flexible artwork or even leave yourself reminders. Make sure to keep a well-stocked cupboard of tableware for when friends are over – this set of six Ikea Dotted Glasses, £3.75 is pretty – and decorate with this Conran Shop Paper Garland, £20 (not just for Christmas)!

Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd

Simple and Homey
Element: Water

Family and the home are at the core of your values as a Cancer. You are loving, intuitive and sentimental, so a cosy, family-orientated interior is where you feel most comfortable. Steer clear of brash extravagance and focus on more familiar, welcoming touches around the home.

A cosy armchair to curl up in is key, like this Maisons du Monde Pink Velvet Armchair, £429. You could add mismatched extras like this Urban Outfitters Throw Cushion, £35, and H&M Faux Fur Cushion, £12.99, as well as this Elisabeth York Throw, £38. You treasure memories in physical form so invest in this Urban Outfitters Wire Wall Grid, £32, to keep your most magical moments in constant reach. While you love to hang on to special objects and family heirlooms, keep hoarding tendencies at bay by displaying a few items at a time and moving them around on a rotational basis.

A neutral colour palette of pastels with white and grey is an easy base to work with, and will highlight your decorative treasures. Express your lunar energy with silvery, translucent touches like this Madam Stoltz Octagonal Hourglass With Silver Sand, £18.50, from Trouva.

Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd

Opulent and Regal
Element: Fire

As a Leo you're a natural leader, pinnacle of the zodiac, confident and charismatic. In the home, you love luxurious opulence. Your ideal living space brings together quality fabrics and materials like silk, velvet and metallics – but be careful not to overdo it and maintain a degree of subtlety.

The sun is your ruler, so make sure light and warmth permeate your home. To add a touch of solar energy to your space, this Oliver Bonas Solar Jewellery Stand, £58, will glint in the evening sun. Yellows, oranges, reds and golds are central to your palette so intertwine these throughout.

You love to entertain, so this Edelweiss Dining Table, £399, from Made.com has touches of gold without being OTT – perfect with tabletop accessories like this Normann Marble Board, £50, and plenty of candles to satisfy your inner pyromaniac. Try these from Hema, £2.25.

Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd

Earthy and Harmonious
Element: Earth

Virgos are shy by nature and aren't often found basking in the spotlight. Your home is a reflection of this: simplicity and spaciousness are important and you really don't like clutter. Practicality is key, so wooden flooring is ideal as it keeps your space clean and open, without fussiness. Keep things fresh with plenty of greenery to satisfy the earth sign within.

You are a perfectionist, so mix and match isn't your bag. Play with symmetry and a simple colour palette, and decorate with plants. Keep it practical by choosing herbs but avoid supermarket varieties that die quickly – Waitrose Garden has quality ones at £5.99 each. Matching pots will tie it all together. The Conran Shop has some lovely ones: small are £9 and medium £12. Create a quiet, zen-like haven for reading with this Ikea Corner Easy Chair, £175 and these classic String Pocket Shelves, £115.

Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd

Beautiful and Stylish
Element: Air

Creative and tasteful, as a Libra you love being surrounded by beautiful objects with strong aesthetic qualities. As the sign of the scales, you also like to keep a balance and harmony in your space. You're sociable and are happiest in a partnership, so cohabiting with your S.O. or friends makes for harmonious living. Make sure your space is adapted to joint living, though, with spaces for both of you to get some alone time as well as be together.

You tend to be indecisive, which can lead to a build-up of clutter, so keep storage front of mind with this Oak Highboard, £499, from Made.com.

As a creative person, it's nice to accent your home with statement pieces – not just art on the walls but something like this playful Hockney Boob Planter, £59.95, or this Cold Picnic Rug, £100. Make a display of your jewellery, too, with this Marble & Brass Jewellery Stand, £19. A good quality sound system will feed your creative appetite.

Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st

Dark and Mystical
Element: Water

Scorpios are mysterious and strong-willed; you like an ambient space in rich submarine tones of petrol, emerald and charcoal. But be careful not to go too dark – introduce contrasts with natural light and lighter tones. As a Scorpio your home is your temple, a retreat from the outside world and should bring pleasure.

You're brave and like to make a statement so look for sumptuous textures like velvet, and items from faraway travels, which add a layer of mystery. This Marrakesh Shag Rug, £129, will create a plush foundation, then add these H&M Velvet Cushions, £12.99. You love a luxe touch of decor; add these House Of Hackney Pineapple Bookends, £175, to the wishlist. For all your individualist flair, you still appreciate the cosy things in life. Get yourself a cosy throw like this Mohair Blanket, £69, from Trouva and store it in a basket like this one from H&M, £24.99.

Sagittarius: November 22nd December 21st

Spacious and Natural
Element: Fire

As a Sagittarian you're optimistic, and generally good-natured. You're happiest in expansive, uncluttered spaces so an open-plan layout would suit you best. If this isn't possible, make your space work for you, keeping it simple with plenty of fresh air and light.

You're an outdoorsy type so bring the natural world in with fresh flowers and an oil burner to satisfy the fire sign within. This Muji Ceramic Oil Burner, £8.95, is customisable with essential oils, from £3.95. Decorate with objects that give you a sense of the landscape – these rugs are handmade in Portugal and can be used on the floor or hung on the wall as a tapestry, Rug by GUR, Ferréol Babin, £91.32 on Etsy. You prefer to avoid fad trends (looking at you, copper and millennial pink) so opt for informal pieces in wood like this Scandi Ikea Armchair, £110, and accent the space with a colour palette of rich jewel hues like ruby, amber and amethyst. These Broste Copenhagen Set of 2 Vases, £17, from Trouva are ideal.

Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th

Traditional and Practical
Element: Earth

The hardworking and down-to-earth Capricorn has an eye for detail and dislikes flimsy decor without purpose. You go for a timeless style in neutral colours but be careful not to fall into a tired aesthetic – try accenting with both modern and vintage pieces.

Craftsmanship is key, so look for vintage investments like this amazing Rosewood Bookcase, £560, from Forest London. Natural materials like stone, wood, marble and sandstone inspire you, so adorn your table with a centrepiece like this Habitat Wood And Marble Board, £30. Invest in a set of these practical, hand-thrown Coffee Cups, £7.45 each on Etsy. Keep it light with this Arket Large Rounded Vase, £8.50.

Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th

Rebellious and Timeless
Element: Air

As an Aquarian you're a tastemaker, with one foot in the past, present and future. You're not a traditionalist, instead opting for an eclectic style and trying out new tech. Include abstract patterns and colours like pale blues and greens, metallics and stronger contrasts.

Combine your air sign and oxygen-boosting love of plants with this experimental Lyfe Floating Geometric Planter, £220, from Soda. Self-care is important to you, so keep an area for yourself to practise yoga, reading, meditation or just daydreaming with this Urban Outfitters Moroccan Coin Cushion Pouf, £100. Satisfy your ambitious, creative soul by keeping a mood board wall which doubles up as artwork, using this fun Hema Washi Tape, £4. Live up to your water-bearing symbol with a statement jug; this Stelton Freja Jug, £89.95, is reflective and attention-grabbing.

Pisces: February 19th – March 20th

Imaginative and Dreamy
Element: Water

Pisceans are dreamers. You love to sleep, so a comfy bed will aid your vivid imagination to produce the wildest dreams. You're too busy to put cleaning and tidying to the top of the list so make sure your living space is fuss-free with plenty of storage. Avoid dust-collectors and instead go for beautiful, useful things that act as decor, such as this HAY Kaleido Metal Tray, £19, ideal for bedside bits and bobs.

Pisceans are the central water sign and always seek aqueous conditions, so put your bathroom top of the list. Prettify it with & Other Stories Hand Soap, Lotion, £5, and a tasteful H&M Bath Mat, £12.99. Your overall home decor should aid relaxation, so candles for downtime are key. Symbols of stars make reference to otherworldly, twilight realms; try these Star Fairy Lights, £15, from The White Company.

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Do We Even Need To Know If We're "Born This Way?"

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Although Lady Gaga only started singing about it in 2011, people have theorised that gay, lesbian, bisexual, and otherwise queer people were "born that way" for more than 20 years.

In 1993, a study from U.K. researchers found a connection between men having genetic variations in a region on their X chromosome, and being gay. The study didn't definitively prove that being gay is genetic but, nonetheless, the idea of a "gay gene" was born.

Scientists have periodically been looking for more proof of this gay gene ever since, and research published this week in Scientific Reports has been presented as the strongest evidence of a genetic connection since that 1993 study. After analysing the DNA of 2,000 men, some gay and some straight, the researchers found that two genetic variants were more common in the gay men's DNA. Since its release earlier this week, the study's been reported with headlines like, "Have Scientists Found The Gay Gene?" and even though the answer is a clear "no," people are already wondering what this could mean for the LGBTQ+ community.

Now, we can talk about this particular study's limitations (the fact that it, like other research into the "gay gene," only looked at men, for example), but there's a greater issue here: Why are we looking for a gay gene in the first place?

I was two years old when that first study suggested that queerness is genetic. If you believe the "gay gene" theory, that means I was already a lesbian. If not, maybe you think something in my environment made me feel attracted to women, or that I turned out gay because of how I was raised. Maybe you think it was a choice, and while I can assure you that being a lesbian is not something I consciously chose to do, it's also not something I would ever change if given the chance.

There are about a million theories (in my estimate, at least) about what causes someone to be gay, but I'd like to knock them all down with one simple question: Who cares?

Exploring theories about our supposed innate differences will only fuel homophobia and inequality — which we should be fighting to end.

Of course there was a time when it was comforting to be able to "blame" gayness on genetics: Whatever problems straight friends and family had with a loved one's sexuality could easily be explained away and, thus, forgiven. And I understand that many queer people still feel connected to the idea that they were born gay.

"It's an interesting conversation within queer spaces, because so many queer people (myself included) feel that they were 'born this way,' and their queerness is inherently connected to their inner wiring," Lindsay Amer, an LGBTQ+ activist and educator, tells Refinery29. What's more, as The Atlantic pointed out in 2016, straight people who strongly believe people are born gay are more likely to support equal rights for the LGBTQ+ community.

But using the genetic explanation as a source of comfort, or to debunk homophobia — because we didn't "choose" to be gay, or it's "not our fault" — still implies that there's fault in being gay. The way I, and other LGBTQ+ activists, see it, the search for a gay gene does nothing to actually help the queer community. In fact, it has the potential to undo some of the progress we've made.

"I think trying to find a connection of any kind between sexuality and genetics is absurd and rooted in the thinking that any sexuality outside of heterosexuality is 'abnormal,'" Kristin Russo, cofounder of LGBTQ+ advice site Everyone Is Gay says. "It oversimplifies the often fluid nature of sexuality into a black or white context."

Russo points to another limitation of this particular study and a lot of other sexuality research, which tends to simplify identity down to "gay" or "straight." These are just two poles on a vast spectrum of sexual identities.

"With my knowledge of queer communities, it seems blatantly obvious that any studies like these are troublesome and also undoubtedly exclusionary of the many nuanced identities, attractions, and expressions that exist," Russo says.

Representation issues aside, another worry that comes along with this area of research is the question of what comes next. If scientists ever do find solid proof that a gay gene exists, what do they plan to do with it?

"We are circling back to the conversation that being gay is a mutation or a defect that can be weeded out, fixed, and further othered not only through cultural bias and stigma, but through science, as well," Amer says. She says "circling back," because we have been here before.

Only about two generations ago, "homosexuality" — as it was called in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) — was considered a mental illness. Psychology Today reports that doctors tried to "treat" gay people through such practices as aversion therapy, which sometimes included subjecting them to electric shocks or forcing them to take drugs that would make them vomit, while simultaneously showing them nude pictures of individuals they may be attracted to, in an attempt to form an association between the attraction and horrible, ill feelings. It was violent and hateful, and has since been denounced by many major medical institutions as not only ineffective (thank god) but also harmful.

If a gay gene were proven to exist, some people worry that scientists would try to find a way to manipulate it in an effort to stamp out LGBTQ+ people. It would be a way to further label being gay as an abnormality. It could potentially send us back in time, to a moment when queer people feared ending up in a doctor's office, scared and in pain, with a medical professional who was there to try to "fix" instead of help them.

When it comes down to it, it seems like the only people who would benefit from knowing what causes gayness are the kind of people who wish it didn't exist.

Read these stories next:

Why We Call Ourselves Queers, Dykes, Fags, & Homos

Please Don't Be THAT Person When Your Friend Comes Out

We Need To Talk About LGBTQ People Of Colour & Double Discrimination

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Everything I Wish I Had Known As A New Mum

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I had my first kid at 28 years old. That may seem like a totally normal and fully adult time in one’s life to embark on parenthood, but I was barely five years out of college, still partying hard, working harder, and spending my salary on Prada wedges I’d only wear once. I was married — and, okay, having a baby was part of the plan — but we didn’t know it would happen so soon. So when it did, it felt like that record-scratch moment: My husband and I had no idea the challenges that lay ahead.

Because I was the first of my friends to have a baby, I became something of a child-rearing guinea pig for the group. When my crew was conquering and progressing, I was home watching Yo Gabba Gabba and feeling my brain slowly ooze out of my ear. I felt like I was charting new territory all alone: Who knew that my son would only stop crying during his “witching hour” if I did lunges with him strapped in a Baby Bjorn with Bob Marley blaring? I could’ve used a clue to get to that extremely specific formula. But there I was.

There is no doubt that new mums feel external pressure to live up to certain standards or expectations, but sometimes the worst of it comes from ourselves. I certainly felt pressure to reinvent the wheel, and do everything as if I were the first, and I was going to be different, somehow.

But instead of feeling psyched to come up with my own methods, I felt something I’d also experienced in my work life: Gee, it would’ve been great if the elder mentor-like folks around would’ve given me a heads up instead of just watching me slow-motion-car-crash through this thing. Now that I’m almost nine years in, there’s a whole lot I wish I could go back and tell my 28-year-old new-mum self. Since looking back can be a great way to move forward, and because it’s about time I try out my elder hat, I’m about to get into exactly what those things are, ahead.

That thing you don’t want to be told.

Unanimously, every mum I’ve asked has said they’d tell their young-mum self to not sweat the small stuff. To try to calm down. Why isn’t he walking yet? Did I rotate him enough this week? Is his head flat? Did I pump enough? Is he hungry? Is this restaurant too loud?You are constantly in fear of somehow messing up this incredibly pure and perfect child. But here’s the thing: You won’t. I used to think my kids could smell my anxiety and fear from across the room, and thus became stressed themselves. This may not be scientifically proven, but when I was calm, they chilled out, too. You at least owe it to yourself to try.

Schedules are a tool not a requirement.

In my delirious state, I convinced myself that I was raising the most perfect child, and that perfection required a rigid adherence to rules and schedules. I’d be the martyr of all women, awake at 3 a.m. working on my sleep training strategy till I was bone-tired and weary with the bright-eyed-est baby of them all. News flash: You’re not the first person to have a kid. Your kid isn’t the first to have a wacky sleep pattern. So don’t freak out about missing naps or pushing bedtime. Set a schedule if you find it helpful, but also test its limits and tweak it. Being regimented can feel crucial to maintaining your sanity at first, but it's also a great way to set yourself up to totally lose it when you have to go off-script. (The irony.)

Routines are meant to make your life easier. The best advice I ever received was that the baby will adapt to your life, not vice versa. But also, never feel like you have to prove how cool and loose you are by taking your baby into situations you think you (or they) may not be comfortable in. If a three-hour brunch in a noisy, tiny restaurant with a baby carrier strapped on feels like your nightmare, by all means stay home, invite the friends to come to you, or raincheck for a time when you can leave the little one behind.

A dummy will not herald the apocalypse.

You read all the books — or at least skimmed the Google results. I know you did, I was you. You read how important it was to allow your child to learn to “self-soothe” without any aids. But when your baby is wailing their teeny lungs out, or having a rough go at pushing some gas down, you will start to wonder what the big deal is. I will tell you: It’s not a big deal. It’s actually recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Not only can it help some babies drift off to sleep, but dummy use has been found to reduce the risk of SIDS, and also relieve pain after minor procedures. Once a dummy is in reach, and a baby’s old enough to grab for it on their own, that is self-soothing. And plus: many kids never end up taking to a dummy, anyway. So offer one if you want, and chalk it up to your baby’s first independent choice.

Please don’t live and die by the milestones.

If your toddler wants to keep wearing nappies, keep sleeping in a cot, or isn’t saying too many words, it’s okay. They'll let you know when they're ready. Sometimes a bit of nudging can help, but by giving your child space to develop at their own pace, you are making a healthy and inviting environment for them. Stressing about what they should be doing and when can translate to pressuring your baby to perform — and life will have enough of that as they get older.

Of course the best way to truly help calm your nerves about your child’s development is to consult with their paediatrician. You are your child’s best advocate, and together with their doctor, you make a team that has their back as they age. Kids love feeling like they have control and the ability to choose. Sometimes they may exert this control in ways that drive you nuts or even make you worry. But, my little boy who once needed at least five dummies in his cot at all times? He cooks me eggs every weekend now.

You don’t have to love being home with a baby.

If you're on family leave at home with a brand-new baby, or staying home as part of a longer-term plan, it's okay not to love every aspect of it. If you have a partner who works outside the home, you may be jealous of their time away — but you are not allowed to make them feel guilty for it. You spend your days speaking in bizarre sentences like, “You want baba now?” and when you encounter a real live adult, you suddenly can’t put a solid sentence together. Believe it or not, this is temporary! If you’re jealous to the point that you want to rearrange your work/life situation, have an honest conversation with your partner about that. Otherwise, remember the value you're getting and giving by being home for this time, and recognise your partner's contributions, too.

On Breastfeeding.

Maybe you planned to provide breast-fresh grade A nutrients to your baby. But, it doesn’t always work out that way. If you end up feeding your child in other ways — because that’s what you wanted to do, or you wound up there reluctantly after trial-and-error — please try to mute out the haters, shamers, and parenting police ,and believe you are doing what’s best for you and your kid.

A big secret about reading.

In between all the developmentally appropriate children’s literature you can now recite from memory, it’s okay to slip in that Vanity Fair article you’ve been meaning to read. Your baby just wants to hear your voice, regardless of what you're saying. You need to flex that brain, too, so put down the board books and read something legit to your little. And hey, it’s never too soon to start keeping up with the news.

Question your rules, because your child sure will.

Your kid is not a representation of you, and you may notice your own inadequacies in them, but don’t hold it against them or try to overcompensate. Use it to their advantage. Everyone is born with their own unique weaknesses and strengths. Your kids will talk back, or be so sensitive you want to bang your head on the wall sometimes, but they will also have strong beliefs of their own (like all foods must be consumed "big" and never sliced into pieces). Teach them how to sell their argument and work on their pitches. It will go much further than just saying “no” or “because I said so.” Talk through what you’re asking or requiring of them, so they get used to that kind of give-and-take for later in life.

Take care of you.

I was fully grey by age 30. I so wanted to be one of those hip mums with chic grey hair, all flowy and glossy, but that was not the case for me. And so I found me a colourist, because I wanted a change. What I learned was that my monthly visits to the salon broke up the monotony and gave me a timeout during which I couldn’t possibly be expected to be productive. The visits became a meditative moment for me during those early years. They guaranteed I was going to drink a cup of coffee, have my hair look shiny and gorgeous, and catch up on my emails and reading if I felt like it.

Find something that you can make a weekly or monthly commitment to that is just for you. Schedule and look forward to that “me time.” Whether it's a yoga break in the basement, or a full-on spa day away from home, it's so important to check in with yourself, and that means devoting time to it. Also, heads up: You may spend your “me” time looking at adorable pictures of your kid. It happens.

Don’t take it personally.

You will lose touch with about 40% of your current friends. Whether it's the crew you went to school with, or saw as your core group that came together every weekend no matter what — maybe you even made them godparents to your firstborn — people will move on. It’s not like they forgot about you, they need to progress with their lives, too. It’s not about you; everyone has their own stuff to deal with, and we’re not all on the same schedule. When it counts, they’ll have your back — you may just have to come out and ask from time to time, or push harder to be included in plans again.

Print out the pictures.

Don’t let your child’s entire life be documented solely inside your phone. You have no idea how many times I’ve had a phone lost or broken, and poof — two years of memories are gone with it. Sure, yes, the cloud exists, however there is something special about the printed image. An easy solution to storing memories is printing out a photo album with Chatbooks, which sends you albums based on your selections from your phone, Instagram, or Facebook. A fantastic option for when you run out of wall space.

Don’t be so hard on the colour pink.

This may not be an issue for you at all, but in my household, pink became something of a battleground. I tried to avoid it — and anything princessy — at all costs, but my daughter would douse herself in pink every single day if she could. But she also thinks Rey from The Force Awakens is the coolest superhero, ever, and finds Grimm’s fairytales “boring because the girls are always being saved or married to strangers.”

If you bump up against pink problems, too, try to ease up. Encourage both sides of your daughter. Strong, independent, bold, empathetic, and sensitive are all great traits for kids of all genders. None should be tied to “girliness,” and neither should particular colours. Plus, how many “gender neutral” parents put their sons in pink? It’s time to poke holes in why, exactly, we shied away from it in the first place.

Don’t turn your nose up to athleisure.

Oh, sure, you came from fancypants Vogue and promised never to wear your workout gear after 12 p.m. after having kids. Try getting your kid out of bed, dressed, and fed in 15 minutes, while the other one is practicing three repetitive chords on his electric guitar, but, oops, he forgot his shoes and he’s in the car now?! Time is of the essence. Wear whatever you can and get on with your life. Someday, when you least expect it, you’ll find yourself dressing with purpose again. Don’t stress about it on the days when that seems beside the point.

That other thing you don’t want to hear: Treasure this time!

You may find yourself wondering, Why did I go to uni? To change nappies and speak gibberish? The monotony you are experiencing is, again, temporary. You will forget about the sleepless nights and remember how insanely cute it was when your baby first ate pears. But you won’t forget the problem-solving-on-no-sleep, do-it-with-a-smile efficacy that comes in handy about 100 times a day, with kids or elsewhere in the real world. Everything you do in this role is on-the-job training that can help further your actual career, or help you continue to kick ass in your job as mum. But it's also just cute, and silly, and fun, and fleeting. So savour it. Rather than think wistfully about the passage of time, try to make the most of the daily mayhem. One day soon you'll be me, telling all the new mums you know just how quick the time went.

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The Sexist Reason This UK Music Venue Is Refusing To Book Female Singers

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Tina Turner. Joan Jett. Alanis Morissette. Florence Welch. Courtney Love. Just five of many, many women who are rightly celebrated for performing rock songs.

But if they were starting out today, all of them would have trouble getting a booking at Doctor Brown's in Middlesbrough. This pub and live music venue has effectively banned female-fronted bands.

"We had female singers on in the past and customers just didn't like it - we're a rock bar and they don't think that women should sing male rock songs," the pub's manager Paula Rees told The Northern Echo. "It's nothing to do with me, it's the pub's regulars who come in every week, they won't come in if there’s a female singer."

Musician Hannah Sowerby told the newspaper that Doctor Brown's cancelled bookings for her two bands, Revenant and Syndicate 66, after learning that she was their lead singer.

"I haven’t been allowed to play because I’m female, despite the fact my band can draw a crowd," she told The Northern Echo. "You wouldn’t get people saying they don’t like male bands, because not all male singers are the same – just like not all female singers are the same. It is a sexist attitude from the regulars and there's no excuse for it in 2017. You'd think we’d be past this by now."

The venue's policy has been criticised by Safe Gigs for Women, a group which works with venues and promoters to combat sexual assault and harassment at live music events. "This is one of the most ridiculous things we've ever read. For anyone in doubt that misogyny in live music still exists, here's your proof," the group tweeted.

On Twitter, many other people have called out Doctor Brown's blatant sexism, too.

Manager Paula Rees has said the ban isn't absolute, confirming that one band with a female singer has been booked to perform in 2018. She also said female-fronted bands who could guarantee their ability to pull a crowd would be considered for bookings in the future, according to the newspaper.

But obviously this isn't good enough. Anything less than giving equal opportunities to all bands, regardless of the singer's gender, is completely unacceptable.

As a friendly reminder, here's Tina Turner absolutely smashing one of her signature hits, "Proud Mary" - a rock song originally performed by a male-fronted band, as it happens.

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Everything You Need To Know About These 12 Piercings

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Illustrated by Mallory Heyer.

The practice of getting pierced dates back about 5,000 years. Yep, the act of putting sharp objects through ones skin isn't an idea we conjured up in the past couple of decades — or even centuries — but it's still holding on strong. The It Girl smiley piercing has been trending as of lately and a handful of celebrities have been seen sporting the more inconspicuous nipple piercings.

Compared to getting a tattoo, piercings can be a wee bit more intimidating (What, the idea of a complete stranger sticking a foreign object in you doesn't make you giddy with excitement?!). J. Colby Smith of New York Adorned equates the act to riding a roller coaster. "You wait in line, you're like, 'A-ha it's really scary,' but it's really fun once you actually do it," he says. "People just get scared, which is totally normal — I feel like it's part of the experience."

Just like a roller coaster, once that minute-long ride is over, you often want to come back for more. But before you even get in line, there are some things you need to keep in mind. While the one and done appeal is great, the aftermath is a little more involved — but no less important. As Brian Keith Thompson of Body Electric explains, one of the first things you should ask yourself is: Do I have time to take care of this? "Piercings are a kind of instant gratification thing — you do them with your friends, you're having fun, you go to a piercing place, and you're like, 'Let's do this.' But not always do you think about how long it's going to take to heal," he says. "You have to think about piercings as a long-term thing...You can't take a new piercing in and out; the human body just doesn't heal overnight."

Another factor to weigh is who you're going to go to. This is where the world wide web comes into play. (Hi!) Thompson recommends taking your time finding someone you really trust and believe in, because that could be the difference between a great piercing that hurts a little and a mediocre piercing that comes with a little more pain. "There's so many great places in the world now to get pierced. There's a thing called the internet. Type in some key words and all of this information flies out at you...There's no excuse anymore of 'I didn't know,'" he says.

Before you even step foot in an actual studio, it all comes down to getting yourself in a good mental head space, says Colby. Get a good night's sleep before you come in, bring friends that are supportive, and, most importantly, don't stress. Going back to the tattoo comparison, while piercings might be a little more intimidating, the upside is that they're also a lot less permanent.

"It's one of those things where you can try it out and see how it goes. The cool thing about piercings is none of it is life-threatening," Colby says. "Say you have it for six months, you can take your jewelry out for five years and you can put your jewelry back in five years later and revisit it. If you are feeling like you want to change your look, you can just get rid of it for a little while and then come back to it."

Now that we've got the general logistics out of the way, ahead we talk specifics. From cheek piercings to the classic ear and some other NSFW areas, we talk with piercing gurus Smith and Thompson about what you should know about any and every piercing. There's no better time than the present (or the new year!) to make a change — be it temporary or not.

Ear
You may or may not already have your lobes pierced — it's definitely the more classic of the bunch —but maybe you want to experiment with other sections of the ear. There are levels to this particular organ, after all.

Let's start with some of the favorites. Thompson is a big fan of the helix (which is the upper cartilage area of the ear) — a.k.a. the piercing all your friends got in college — because, simply put, it looks great on everyone. There's also a section called the forward helix, which is in the same cartilage area but toward the front of the ear, which, he says, is also very popular.

Some of Smith's more adorned sections include the conch, which sits in the middle of the ear toward the back, and the daith (which, Thompson notes, can be a little more difficult to pierce, because it's so shallow) that's also situated in the middle of the ear but closer to the canal. "I like both of those a lot, because they're unique, people don't really expect it," he says of the two piercings. "They almost don't even realize you can pierce those areas — plus, with the right jewelry, actually make it look beautiful and delicate and not too offensive."

Speaking of offensive, Smith isn't a huge fan of industrial piercings (the ones that go across the upper portion of your ear) because of this exact reason. He prefers chain jewellery (here's a visual) over the more stiff bars with the balls on the end because they can often look too heavy and foreign on the top of the ear. But, of course, if that style floats your boat, you do you, boo boo.

In terms of healing, the lobes are going to heal the fastest versus cartilage piercings, because it's softer and there's more blood circulating in that particular area, according to Smith. "With the cartilage stuff, if you feel your cartilage, it's a little bit harder because there's less blood circulation so your body's just working on that area less," he says. Any piercing on the outer walls of your ear are also going to take longer to heal, because it's getting knocked around more than the others. The less exposed they are, the better they do.

What's important to keep in mind is how you treat it. Smith says the biggest issue he has with ear piercings is customers sleeping on them. This is, of course, very hard to control which is why he recommends getting an airplane pillow. "They're nice because you can put it in your bed and you can kind of train yourself to sleep with your ear in the hole. That keeps the pressure off of it and you can still sleep on that side."

Illustrated by Mallory Heyer.

Nose
Another classic that both Smith and Thompson think looks good on everyone is the nostril piercing. "Male, female, old, young — I don't care who you are, what color your skin is — I really think it's the one piercing that every single person can pull off," says Thompson. "I've never seen someone's nose that did not look good with a nose piercing."

One of the first questions I had for both of them was: If you have allergies, should you avoid putting any jewelry that could further irritate them altogether? Both noted that it's something to keep in mind, but is by no means a deal-breaker. " I think the first week it's weird and it might trigger your allergies — you might have a runny nose and there might be a lot of sneezing — but usually your body adapts to that kind of stuff. "

Thompson adds that it's more the acts, like blowing your nose, that are worse than the actual allergies themselves. And if you are really worried, maybe think of a time of year when your allergies aren't as active to go under the needle, he suggests.

The one thing about facial piercings is that they will leave a scar. Granted, the one you're left with from nose jewelry will be small enough that it can pass for simply being a pore, but this fact is definitely something to consider, says Thompson. "If a young girl comes in...I really counsel them and say, 'Hey this is going to leave a mark on your face for the rest of your life,'" he says. "You might not think it's a big deal at 16, but is it going to be a big deal to you at 36?"

But, he says, if you're on the fence about facial piercings in general, this is definitely the one you should start with, because it can be pulled off in a professional environment if you wear the right jewelry.

Speaking of jewellery, once common misconception is you should always get a stud the first time you get your nose pierced, which is simply not true, according to Thompson. "This is America, you can have anything you want. If you want a ring, let's put a ring in your nose," he says. "If a piercer tells you that, tell him to show you the piercer rule book — where's this book which says you can't? I have pierced hundreds and thousands of piercings with rings and I've had no problems."

On a similar note, he adds, if there's a piece of jewellery you're set on and the studio you go to doesn't have it, go somewhere else. "Search out and find the piercer that a) has the skills and wants to do what you want to do and b) has the jewelry that you want to wear," he advises. "Don't just go, 'Alright, I'm just going to get this I don't love it, but I really want the piercing and I want to do it now...' No. Wait. Go to a studio that has what you want to wear out that day."

Illustrated by Mallory Heyer.

Septum
Ah, the septum piercing. It's gained monumental popularity over the past couple of years and, Smith says, it doesn't show any signs of slowing down (he has about 10 to 12 customers who ask to get their septum pierced on the daily).

Compared to the nose, it is a little trickier for the artist because it's such a small portion on the inside of the nose that you're piercing. What you're actually piercing is skin that goes by the name of your sweet spot, according to Thompson. It's a tiny membrane that's located a little higher in some, a little lower in others, and, for others (someone who's had their nose broken a couple of times or use inhalants regularly), it's nonexistent. But, he says, that doesn't mean you can't get the piercing. It's just going to take a little bit more time to heal and you probably need to go to a more seasoned, experienced piercer. Same goes for those with deviated septum.

But the upside to the piercing is it's one of the only piercings you can have that — if you purchase a certain type of jewelry (in this case the retainer) — you can hide it easily by flipping it upward. And, compared to an outside nose piercing, you don't have to worry about an after-mark. "It's amazing because if you decide to take it out or decide you don't want it anymore, you're never going to see the scar," he says. "It's kind of like one of those things where it never happened."

Going back to the whole jewelry thing, Thompson reiterates that you shouldn't settle on what it is you want. Especially if you’re a first-time piercer — artists will often try to trick you into getting one piece of jewelry (say a ring over a retainer) because, simply put, they don’t have it in stock. If they don’t have it, they might try to persuade you that it’s not “safe” or “proper” to use that particular jewelry your first go-around. "It's a trick of the trade. It's like being a con man and I don't think that's right; you're flat out lying to a consumer,” he says. “If you don't know better, you're going to listen to these people, because you're looking at them as a professional, but not all of them are."

Illustrated by Mallory Heyer.

Smiley
Think of the smiley as a more discreet version of the septum piercing, but located inside of your mouth as opposed to your nose — which isn't something that should be overlooked. While the smiley piercing is on its way to dethroning the septum, like any mouth piercing, it's a little more dangerous, according to Thompson. "[With] a lot of piercings, the only cons are that it could get infected, you could have an allergic reaction, and it could, and probably will, leave a scar. But [with] anything in the mouth, there are far greater risks."

Some of these (which you can read more about here) include gum recession, tooth damage, and gradual fading of your enamel. But the peek-a-boo piercing (which is only present when you smile — hence the name) isn't all bad news. When done right, it can look particularly beautiful. Smith notes that it's one of his favorite piercings right now.

And one upside is, since it heals quickly, you can easily take the jewelry out and only rock it occasionally, which lessens the risks, according to Thompson. "Say you just have to have it, but are afraid of gum recession. You could wear it a couple of days, and take it out for a few weeks," he says. "You don’t have to wear it all the time once it heals; you can actually remove it."

As far as aftercare goes, for regular surface piercings, a simple daily dousing of soap and water (Thompson's a fan of Dr. Bronner's) will do. But, of course, you're not going to rinse your mouth out with soap and water — lest you want to bring up some harmful childhood memories.

Smith says you just need to rinse your mouth with salt water for a few days and you're good to go. Thompson recommends reaching for an alcohol-free mouthwash and using it 3 to 4 times a day, as well. You also have to pay particular attention when brushing your teeth. "You really want to be very gentle," he says. "With a very soft bristeled tooth brush, massage and brush the ring. "

Illustrated by Mallory Heyer.

Nipple
Since we're on the topic of trendy piercings, let's move on to a new celeb favorite: the nipple. Thompson notes that he's been getting so many ladies and gents coming in for this particular piercing that, at one point, they started to run out of jewelry. That's a whole lot of areolae.

You may only be familiar with your own, but believe it or not, there are a whole array of nipple types out there. The easiest kind to get done are, naturally, the ones that protrude a bit more. But, Thompson says, for the ladies with flat or even inverted nips, don't lose hope."I've never really met a nipple I wasn't able to pierce," he emphasizes. In fact, it can even be used as a "corrective" measure of sorts for some women. "It's a way to correct [it] without surgery...The barbell goes underneath and pops it up. It makes them stick out a little bit more, because when you're piercing, you're protruding it up," he says. " So, if you're a girl and you have more of the flatter type of nipple, it's going to be a little bit more prominent."

Some myths surrounding the nip piercing is that one, it will heighten sensitivity (false) and it will effect breast feeding in the future (false again). "There's hundreds of milk ducts...and once you take out [the piercing], the body closes those holes pretty rapidly and it pretty much seals shut," reassures Thompson.

One thing to be wary of, though, is the actual piercing process itself. Thompson notes that some women's nipples can reject the jewelry if it's not placed in the right area. "There's a specific spot that needs to be pierced that's pretty much where the nipple meets the areola," he says. "You don't want to go too forward on the nipple, because the body will just slowly migrate it out, so you've got to be careful."

Another factor is the kind of jewelry you choose. Both artists emphasize that either a bar or ring is A-okay, but that the bar is often preferable. The reason being, the ring heals a little bit slower because it moves more, according to Thompson. The barbell is less obvious than a ring (if an inconspicuous look is what you're going for).

And, of course, along with aftercare (the piercing can take about 3 to 6 months to heal), making sure you keep your nipple out of harms way will be a priority once you get it pierced. Be careful when wearing lace bras, removing tops, showering — the little things that you might not think of otherwise. "I tell people, once you get your nipple pierced, you're going to be surprised how many things [it] touches," says Thompson.

Illustrated by Mallory Heyer.

Tongue
Since the tongue is a muscle, it's inevitably going to be harder to pierce and heal, according to Smith. "As soon as I pierce it, it swells; I put jewelry in there, it swells," he says. "It's swelling to get rid of it and it feels like a sore muscle."

Out of all the piercings, it's the one that's going to take a little bit more patience. "You've got like 3 or 4 days of swelling, you have to really be on it keeping it clean and also some times you get little chunks of food stuck in there," he says.

Though Smith says there aren't a lot of major risks (especially when you're being careful), Thompson, on the other hand, has stopped piercing tongues altogether because it can be negative on your teeth and gums. "Morally, as a piercer, I don't want to put a metal titanium barbell or steel barbell in your mouth and you bite down on it and break your tooth," he notes. "The longer you wear it, it knocks around on your enamel. The mouth is not intended for metal to be worn in it — it's just not. Your teeth are a tool, you need to use those for your entire life."

He adds that smokers and heavy drinkers should be particularly careful, because these acts can cause your body to swell more, which can cause damage to oral piercings.

Illustrated by Mallory Heyer.

Lip
Surprisingly, lip piercings were actually the ones that both Colby and Thompson were hesitant to even recommend. One of the main reasons being that they tend to leave a pretty intense scar, mostly due to the constant moving you're doing to it.

"It's one of the few piercings I always feel a little guilty about," Colby says. "Your lip is pretty fatty tissue, so it actually heals up pretty good, but the only problem with that is there's a lot of movement — could be talking and stuff like that — which is constantly irritating it."

Since it's partially in your mouth, there's also some teeth and gum damage that could potentially occur. "Your lip is really soft on the inside, it just glides over your teeth and gums," says Thompson. "Let's say now you have a stud in your mouth and you have that little flat disc — that disc, every time you eat, talk, smile, and laugh, is slowly rubbing on your teeth and gums."

But there is a fix: You can get the piercing a little tighter around the lip, which will protect your gums and teeth from the jewelry. As long as you're proactive, you can stop the damage from occurring, says Thompson. You just have to be cognizant.

Belly Button
Belly buttons might bring you back to memories of middle school or high school rebellion but, believe it or not, it's making a pretty nostalgic comeback. Out of all the piercings, it's definitely one where you should take your time to evaluate whether or not you're a good candidate, says Thompson.

Some things to consider: If you have a particularly out-there outie belly button, you might want to steer clear. " If it's protruding too much there's not a good platform for the piercing to heal," he says. "With outies, migration can happen in a worse way, because the body can totally reject it. That outie part of the navel is pushing out on the jewelry and it just slowly comes out," he warns.

But outie or innie, some people just aren't built for navel piercings, and that's okay. It has one of the longest healing times (6 to 8 months). If you're an active swimmer, you have to avoid the water for at least the first two weeks. And standing and sitting can irritate it quite a bit and prolong the healing process.

These things aren't to say it's not worth it, it just takes a little more effort.

Illustrated by Mallory Heyer.

Eyebrow
Another throwback piercing is the eyebrow. Colby notes that he gets a lot of college customers around the beginning of the school year and this — along with the lip — is one of the most requested piercings. But other than that, it definitely hit its peak around the '90s.

Why is that? Thompson says he thinks it's gotten somewhat of a bad rep over the years. "Some people call it a white trash piercing," he says. "It's like when girls stopped getting the tattoos on their lower back once they were referred to as tramp stamps."

Fan or not, it's one of the easiest piercings to heal when done right, says Thompson. But it's getting through the healing process that's often difficult. When the eyebrow suffers a lot of trauma (think: dragging a towel down your face after showering or the simple act of giving someone a hug), it increases the chances of it rejecting. "The eyebrow's one of those piercings that — I think it's because the eye socket is right there and it's so prominent — that the body just pushes out," he says.

Say you go through with getting it and a couple of months later decide it's no longer for you. Although it's a facial piercing, the bright side is you won't have to worry about in-your-face scarring. "You may have two little pin marks, but nothing all that obvious," says Thompson.

Illustrated by Mallory Heyer.

Cheek
If getting your cheeks pierced sounds like your hell, then you're not far off. Thompson says it has one of the most gruesome healing processes and is 100% not for everyone.

"Your cheeks will leak and drain, you will have to wear these massive barbells. It is not for a person in a professional environment It's is not for someone that doesn't want to take care of it for the next six months," he warns. " I tell people once you go down this road with a cheek piercing, there's no coming back. This is an actual body modification and you're changing your body for pretty much forever. It's something that you should definitely think about" But it's not all gloom and doom! Once you do manage to heal the piercing, you're left with a set of pretty adorable dimples, he says.

Don't give up hope just yet, cheek enthusiasts: There is an alternative you can look into, which are anchor piercings (more information on these in the next slide). While you won't be left with dimples, it also won't leave you with all of the heartache — and pain — of a regular piercing, Thompson says.

Illustrated by Mallory Heyer.

Anchors
Anchors are the little pieces of jewelry you might've peeped on backs, necks, sternums, fingers, next to the eye, and the lot. And while peeping them, you might've shuddered at the idea of getting one, as well. Well, you're not alone.

Anchors appear to be super-intimidating and intense, but you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, says Thompson. They're actually both easy to do and the level of pain is similar to that of a bee sting.

"I use a biopsy punch and I punch it directly into all seven layers of the dermis...and then I insert the base usually with the top...and you just kind of pop it under the skin," he explains. "It's a really quick piercing, it bleeds a little bit, but it heals really fast; in about a month, they're full healed."

It looks like one of those piercings you can just pop out on your own, but, Thompson warns, you should go to a professional to have it removed. A PSA he adds is to never let anyone cut an anchor out of your body. Like, ever. "It should never be removed that way," he says. "It's a non-intense procedure...And if you're going to a piercer and that's what they want to do, you should turn around and go somewhere else."

Illustrated by Mallory Heyer.

Hooded
Last but not least, we're heading lower to a portion of the body that many people completely overlook when it comes to piercings. Mostly because even the idea of getting your nether regions pierced makes you queasy. But that pain is all in your head, not just in this particular area, but for all your piercings, says Thompson.

"The reason people get more anxious about it is because of the brain. A piercing is going through your body...so your brain is trying to protect you and is like, 'Dude, let's get out of here. We don't need this,'" says Thompson. "When you're really really scared, you make it worse; you're psyching yourself out to make it hurt worse. A piercing pain is really just a split second, if that. By the time you feel it, it's done. It's very acute. It's short-lived...[In the military], they used to tell us, 'Mind over matter.' If you didn't mind, it didn't matter."

For hooding piercings, not only does it work really well aesthetically, says Smith, it also increases stimulation. He notes that the process works similarly to the smiley, where you're piercing a very tiny piece of skin that lies above the glans — the rounded head — of the clitoris. It usually takes about four weeks to heal and, although it's not required of you to abstain from sex, you should be careful.

Of course, a hooded piercing isn't for everyone. But just because you get uncomfortable at the thought doesn't mean other women do, too. "There's a very different kind of person that does a nipple piercing or a hood piercing — and it's not the people you think it is," Colby says. "I know there are tons of people you know that have both but you just don't know it. It's like having a little secret from the world, like, 'Yeah, you think you know me, but you don't.'"

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Demonstrators March On London To Protest Libya's Slave Trade

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Demonstrators gathered in London today to show their opposition to the modern-day slave trade in Libya.

The march was organised after an excellent CNN investigation, which included distressing footage of men being sold at auction, brought the country's human trafficking industry to wider global attention.

More than 260,000 people have since signed a petition urging the UK government to put pressure on the Libyan government to clamp down on modern-day slavery.

Ahead of today's march, prominent figures including Naomi Campbell, Skepta, and Cara Delevingne used their social channels to encourage people to attend.

The march began at 12pm in central London's Belgrave Square and took protesters to the nearby Libyan Embassy. Many who marched shared pictures and video footage of the march on social media. Buzzfeed reporter Ikran Dahir tweeted pictures of some of the signs held up by protesters.

Meanwhile, TV and radio presenter Clara Amfo shared footage of protesters holding placards outside the Libyan Embassy.

PEOPLE4PEOPLE.

A post shared by Clara Amfo 💛 (@claraamfo) on

Amfo told Refinery29 that the march attracted a strong youth presence, saying: "Young people can often get a bad rep for being unbothered about anything besides their phones. It was really positive and encouraging to see just how many teens were out there using their voices."

Activist Munroe Bergdorf also joined the march and shared pictures on her social channels.

Ahead of today's march, organisers spread the word on a dedicated Facebook page explaining its objectives.

"Whether you know it or don’t, this crime against African humanity dehumanizes all of us," organisers wrote. "Because humanity is one and it’s up to us to take action to bring an end to this 21st century slave trade in Libya and all around the world by letting the Libyan authorities and the British government know how we feel about this issue."

They added: "Protests definitely work, it gets the word out and sends a strong warning to the criminals."

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This Piercing Trend Is Going To Be Huge

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It’s no secret that we’re loyal fans of L.A.'s piercer-to-the-stars Brian Keith Thompson. He’s pierced us, he’s pierced our friends, hell, he’s pierced Beyoncé — all with a swift, delicate hand and artful precision. Suffice it to say, when he talks best practices, we listen; when he recommends jewellery combinations, we update our shopping carts; and when he spits trends? We write down every last word. This time around, he’s ushering in the prettiest (and most practical) piercing trend we’ve seen on celebs and L.A. cool girls alike: constellation piercings.

Constellation piercings are exactly what they sound like: an artful grouping of piercings, normally three or more, that are as unique as the star clusters they're named after. While the technique has been around for years, it's especially picking up traction in L.A. now. Why? For starters, it’s fresh and modern, completely unique to the individual, and it falls on the less intimidating end of the piercing spectrum because it can be done on just the lobes — which is appealing for those not into cartilage piercings. These piercings also tend to be incredibly dainty and minimal, perfect for girls who prefer their jewellery to be less costume.

But the best part? They're wildly practical, which you'll see ahead. To get the inspiration flowing, Thompson walked us through some of his recent constellation piercings, sharing tips on jewellery choice and arrangement. Check 'em out ahead.

If your first lobe piercing is off-centre — maybe because your best friend did it for you in the sixth grade — this triangle shape is a great option. "You can take something that you’re not happy with and give it a brother and sister, and...it becomes something that you’re totally stoked about again,” Thompson says.

Those with symmetrical piercings are ideal candidates as well. Thompson often adds a tiny stud centred above two spaced-out piercings to create a similar triangle shape. The result is truly eye-catching, and “it makes it more fun,” he says.

Sometimes, Thompson alternates between hoops and studs to create a unique, textured constellation. But, regardless of shape, he typically sticks to one or two jewellery brands. "Body Vision LA is my number-one go-to for everything," he says. These tiny rings and studs are from the company and can be found at many piercing studios. He also likes NeoMetal for more traditional, classic shapes and high-quality diamonds.

Jewellery tip: "Right now, I am really into doing something big paired with something dainty — like a planet and a couple of moons," Thompson says. "It just looks really cool." (Because we know you'll ask: That gold spike ring is by Body Vision LA.)

Photo: Courtesy of Brian Keith Thompson.

The vertical-stacked trend works on every ear: "Everyone’s anatomy is so uniquely different; some people have large lobes, some people have barely any lobes at all, some people’s cartilage curves differently,” Thompson says. “This is cool because there’s no set of instructions — you just build it as you go.”

Photo: Courtesy of Brian Keith Thompson.

Piercings are a bit like changing your hair colour: If you want to go big, you sometimes have to work in stages. "It really depends on the person, but for me if you do too many piercings [at once] you’re just asking for problems," Thompson says. He recommends getting no more than five piercings in a single session; and those new to the game should stick to two or three. Tip: Let them heal before going back for more.

There's more to consider than the initial pain. "You can get the piercings and walk out of the studio and feel great, but you may not understand that you have another five months of taking care of these — it’s a responsibility," he explains.

Photo: Courtesy of Brian Keith Thompson.

His favourite combination? "I like starting with sets of three; two doesn’t really make a constellation, but three does," he says. Here, Thompson placed a single stud directly above a low lobe piercing for another stacked look.

He always considers the whole ear in the design. "[This] looks like the diagram of a constellation," Thompson explains.

Photo: Courtesy of Brian Keith Thompson.

Adding a second lobe piercing is a great way to round out two older piercings.

"This is something that can be unique for every single client," Thompson says. "It's not a cookie-cutter piercing trend — and each ear can be styled many ways."

Photo: Courtesy of Brian Keith Thompson.

Sold on the trend? Swinging by Thompson’s L.A. studio Body Electric is a surefire way to score the look you crave — or heed his advice to find an in-the-know piercer in your city. "Do some research: Look on Pinterest and Instagram to find some stuff that you like, then find a piercer,” he says.

Cleanliness, a modern jewellery selection, and a good reputation for safe practices top all, but aesthetic is key to finding someone who just gets it. “Definitely don’t walk into a place that you know nothing about, because then you’re just asking for trouble,” he says. "Put your time in. There are great piercers all over the world — you can find them; sometimes you just have to dig.”

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Trim Your Tree With A Powerful Woman: Beyoncé, Hillary, & Serena Tree Toppers Are Here

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Shimmery stars, fairies, and anon angels as your tree topper are so last Christmas (and not in the Wham! song sense). Instead, add some modern inspiration from the leading women in politics, entertainment, and sports to get you into the holiday spirit.

That is just what the not-for-profit organisation Women To Look Up To wants you to do this season. Just in time for the Christmas holidays, the company released a few Christmas tree-topper alternatives featuring some women you’ve definitely heard of.

Firstly, there’s the Queen herself, Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter, dressed in a signature bodysuit, overcoat, heels, and of course, a pair of angel wings. The only thing missing is Bey’s halo.

Next up, is Madam Secretary herself, Hillary Clinton, dressed from head to toe in a white suit, and adorned with angel wings and a hopeful expression.

Queen of the court Serena Williams is another option. Naturally, she’s seen both serving a tennis ball and an intensely focused gaze.

How could you not want to stare at these women all December long?

The 3D sculpted toppers are bad ass and sell for roughly £80 each. If that’s out of your price range, then fret not. They also offer Christmas cards featuring Bey, Hillz, Serena, Michelle Obama, Adele, and Jolie. A pack of six cards retails for £8.

According to the Women To Look Up To site, the brand aims to “shine a light on modern female role models, be they world famous or working behind the scenes” in an effort to “further women’s position within society.”

The company doesn’t only focus on famous women. As Konbini noted, they also offer custom services so you could have a Christmas topper of mum, or grandma in time for 25th!

Order the tree toppers and cards on their website.

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I Have Social Anxiety But I Still Want An Invite To The Party

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Much like tax returns and putting the bins out on time, social rejection is an unavoidable part of adulthood. Nobody likes feeling left out by their friends or colleagues – after all, humans survive on a sense of community and social belonging – but when you suffer from social anxiety (SA), feeling ignored turns into a debilitating cocktail of insecurities and depression.

Exclusion feels like shit.

When you have SA you’re constantly worried about engaging in social interactions. You worry if people will want to talk to you and, if they do, will you be able to hold the conversation? Will they find you interesting and funny? Will they want to hang out with you again? Or are they just pretending to like you? You second-guess everything you do or say. Even on the off-chance that an interaction goes well, you replay every little detail in your head, beating yourself up for any mistake you might have made (you most likely made none).

But the worst thing about SA? Although being around people makes you break out in a cold sweat, you depend on it. Your self-esteem depends on it. Your happiness depends on it. How's that for a catch-22?

“Being included and accepted in a group is a fundamental human desire,” says psychotherapist Dr. Aaron Balick, author of the forthcoming The Little Book of Calm: Tame Your Anxieties, Face Your Fears, and Live Free. “This goes back to our very evolution, where our lives depended on being accepted by the group in hunter-gatherer times,” he tells Refinery29.

As someone with SA, my confidence is heavily based on how often people like me and include me in their plans, so when they don’t, I clutch onto all my insecurities and together we go down the rabbit hole and jump to the worst conclusion.

Being rejected by our tribe in our pre-civilised past was a matter of life and death because it would have meant losing access to food, protection and mating partners. While it’s unlikely now that not being invited to a party would literally kill us, the consequences of ostracism were so extreme that our brains (specifically, the amygdala) developed to experience social rejection as a risk. “Loneliness [can actually be] quite dangerous,” says Dr. Balick, “there are lots of mental and physical health consequences of not being part of a community. We need to be relating to others regularly for our mental and physical health.” One study even suggests that social isolation can be as damaging to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

As someone with SA, my confidence is heavily based on how often people like me and include me in their plans, so when they don’t, I clutch onto all my insecurities and together we go down the rabbit hole and jump to the worst conclusion. I immediately assume that they’re sick of me, they don’t like me, they’ve never liked me to begin with. I picture the worst-case scenario, where my friends plot to ghost me and my boyfriend dumps me because I’m simply not good enough. It might sound ridiculous to many, but anybody who struggles with anxiety or depression can probably relate to the feeling of worthlessness that comes with being left out of plans. Whether it’s a coffee, a networking event or a party, knowing that my friends are having fun without me makes me feel unworthy because I wasn’t given the option to have fun with them.

Our need for social acceptance affects almost everything we do, so much so that exclusion not only destabilises our fundamental feeling of belonging but it also erodes our confidence and self-esteem, triggering anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy and sadness. According to the American Psychological Association, the emotional pangs of feeling excluded are just as bad as the pain of physical injury. “The areas in the brain that sense physical pain also sense social pain,” says Dr. Luana Marques, clinical psychologist at Massachusetts General Hospital. In other words, social exclusion or rejection can literally feel like a stab in the back.

Feeling like you belong is a fundamental psychological need, but because anxiety leaves no room for rational thinking, you don’t have enough self-confidence to realise you’re not intentionally put to the side, and your brain will begin to interpret things the wrong way. You feel unwanted, worthless and rejected.

While social exclusion affects everyone at some point in their life, it’s not uncommon for people with SA to be biased towards perceiving being-left-out-itis. “People with social anxiety crave but fear contact,” explains psychotherapist Tamsin Embleton. “They deeply want to be included, connect with others or feel that they have been thought about, considered, are relevant and matter, however they are hampered by beliefs that they don’t belong, can’t fit in or may suffer some form of rejection or humiliation.”

The less you’re invited, the less confident you feel when you do get invited – it's a self-destructive cycle of social isolation.

Unsurprisingly, social media only makes it worse. “Social media concretises exclusion, it makes people aware that they weren’t involved in something,” says Dr. Balick. When you’re left out of plans, every Instagram post you see or every tweet you read reminds you that you were cut out; it translates to that nagging, self-deprecating voice in your head that says, 'You’re not good enough, you’re boring, you have nothing to offer and no one likes you'.

Then that sadness turns into resentment. You act cool, like it didn’t bother you, but secretly you’re waiting for an apology. “It was a last-minute outing”; “We thought you were busy”; “We didn’t think it was really your thing”. And maybe it wasn’t your thing, but that invitation would have made you feel wanted and appreciated.

It ties back to our desire to belong, which is particularly acute for those with SA. “Being invited to events, even if we may not actually be interested in them, signals to us that we are important, we are accepted, we belong, we are part of a community,” says Dr. Marques. “The important thing is not the event itself, but the fact that we have been accepted into a social circle by being invited to it.”

The less you’re invited, the less confident you feel when you do get invited – it's a self-destructive cycle of social isolation. Dr. Balick explains that it’s important to check your thoughts and conclusions about why you were not included. “We often come to irrational conclusions that keep us in a loop of further exclusion,” he says. “For example, perhaps you weren’t invited to a party, in which case you might think, ‘Nobody likes me. I’m no good. There’s no point in making friends'. When an invitation does arrive you might think, ‘They’re just being nice. I’m not going to go. They’ll all think I’m lame'. In this case you build a loop and start to believe your own story.”

Because our brain registers social exclusion like it would a physical threat, it’s trained to avoid it at all costs. In an attempt to avoid FOMO, we increase our efforts not to miss out on anything, constantly checking social media to see if we’re being left out of something. But if you’re feeling ignored, Dr. Marques suggests the solution is to give your amygdala a break and stay off social media altogether. She reminds us that the information we receive from social media is biased, “carefully selected and constructed to give off the impression that people’s social worlds are perfect.” When you’re left out, it’s easy to take it as a personal affront and although your emotions are completely valid, it’s likely that you weren’t excluded intentionally. It’s not you, but it’s not them either.

If you’re lucky enough not to suffer from SA, I only ask one thing: always extend the invitation. Even if you know for sure someone can’t make it or won’t be interested.

“Feeling left out is natural, and based on our inherent need to belong,” Dr. Marques explains. “Remember that the pain of exclusion has a purpose – it encourages us to make more connections and bonds with others. Whenever we face exclusion and rejection, we should seek out healthy social connections with others, such as close friends and family.”

“The important thing is not to avoid things you're anxious about. By taking a risk, you can learn to tolerate your anxieties and expand your comfort zone,” adds Dr. Balick.

If you’re lucky enough not to suffer from SA, I only ask one thing: always extend the invitation. Even if you know for sure that someone can’t make it or won’t be interested. Even if you know they’ll probably reject the invitation, make them feel wanted, included, show them their presence is not only welcome but desired. I guarantee that the fact you thought of them will make them feel so much better.

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Netflix's New Show Dark Is Better Than Stranger Things

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Alright, strap in. I'm about to say something a little controversial. And finding controversial things left to say in 2017 is a tough ask.

I think, though – I think – I've found a show that's better than Stranger Things.

Dark is Netflix's new original German thriller series. There are 10 episodes, and it's been out since 1st December. Since then, the show's got rave reviews, with the Guardian calling it a "bit of classy obsidian darkness" while The Verge says it's "impossible to stop watching".

In fact, some people like it so much that...

There are many very good reasons why people are comparing Dark to Stranger Things. For starters, Dark is set in Winden, a small, remote town where something weird is going on. Just like Hawkins in Stranger Things, said weirdness appears to be emanating from a shady local enterprise; in this case it's a nuclear power plant.

Furthermore, the main characters in Dark are a group of teenagers and the show features strong ties with the 1980s, through costume, music and historical references.

No doubt more similarities will present themselves throughout the season but, really, Dark has more than enough imagination to stand on its own two separate and accomplished feet.

Winden is a fictional Bavarian, heavily forested town. It's the sort of small town that people grow up wanting to leave and then don't. The sort of town where everyone knows each other and rumours spread quickly. The sort of town where everyone is hiding something. It is 2019, the final year of the nuclear power plant's existence before it is decommissioned. A man kills himself. A local boy goes missing. Then another one. Birds begin to drop out of the sky. The electricity fails. For the main group of teenagers, the events are scary and confusing. For the adults of the town, though, most of whom have spent their whole life there, things seem eerily reminiscent of 33 years ago, a big year in the nuclear power plant's history, when another boy vanished from the woods.

A mysterious shadowy figure seems to hold the key to what is going on. His question, as he keeps asking, is not where the missing boys are, but when. Time travel, as you've probably guessed, becomes involved, as do multiple storylines stretching across a 66-year arc. The town of Winden exists beneath an air of unease, a tenseness that's exacerbated by the heavy rain and low clouds, the dark lighting and the synth-heavy music (think Tears For Fears' "Shout"). Every so often, the cloying use of strings interrupts the dank air to raise the hairs on the back of your neck.

The female characters are well thought-out, intelligent and no-nonsense. Much is made of the fact that a woman was put in charge of Winden's nuclear power plant all the way back in 1986. Providing for the family, organising the townspeople, influencing and carrying storylines seem to be responsibilities weighted equally between the male and female characters in 2019. Of course, this isn't a surprise when it comes to Netflix. After all, this is the streaming platform that gave us Orange is the New Black back in 2013, when just 27% of women working behind the scenes in TV were female, just 42% of women had speaking roles and of those women, 74% were white. Actually, the one place that Dark does come into question is that so far, in the episodes I've watched at least, the cast is startlingly non-diverse; perhaps forgivable in West Germany in 1986 or 1953, but for a 2019 setting? Things could surely be different.

When it comes to actually sitting down to watch Dark, it's important to note that the default setting on UK Netflix is the badly dubbed English version. Don't accept this. The out-of-sync lips clash with the American accents, which sound oddly placed in such an obviously European setting. Instead, head to your subtitle settings and turn the language to German and put the English subtitles on. Subtitles make you concentrate better anyway – how are you going to flick through Instagram when you've got to read what's happening on screen?

Weird dubbing aside, Dark is pretty close to nailing it. It's the perfect show to watch at this time of year, wrapped up in a blanket while night falls; while frost settles outside and the damp creeps in. It's unsettling and engaging escapism for a confusing world. In fact, as Christmas draws near, consider it the necessary and the best antidote to watching Love Actually YET AGAIN.

Dark is on Netflix now.

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The Shocking Statistics About Men Who Murdered UK Women

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Nine in 10 women who were murdered by men in 2016 were killed by someone they knew, a new report has revealed.

The Femicide Census compiled by Women's Aid found that a total of 113 women were killed by men in England, Wales and Northern Ireland between January 1st and December 31st of last year.

Some 78 of these women - or 69% of victims - were murdered by either their partner or a former partner. A total of 85 women - or 75% of the victims - were murdered by men in their own home.

The vast majority of women who were murdered by a former partner or husband were killed within a year of that relationship ending.

The report recommends that the government puts femicide - the killing of girls and women by men, on account of their gender - at the centre of its work to reduce violence against women. It also recommends that the government do more to safeguard the future of refuges for women who experience domestic abuse.

“Without a safe space to escape to, more women will be killed by men that they know," Women's Aid's Chief Executive Katie Ghose told The Guardian. "The government must act now. Refuges are a vital lifeline, not an optional extra; they are not just a bed for a night but essential for women and their children to safely escape domestic abuse and rebuild their lives away from the perpetrator. A crucial part of preventing more fatalities must be to ensure sufficient provision for domestic abuse and sexual violence services, including refuges."

Just last month Women's Aid warned that the UK's domestic abuse refuges are under threat because of the government's proposed reforms to supported housing funding.

Katie Ghose today echoed the charity's call to improve funding for refuges, saying: "Only by creating a long-term and sustainable funding model for a national network of refuges can we ensure that every woman can safely escape domestic abuse."

The National Domestic Violence Helpline can be reached, 24 hours a day, on 0808 2000 247.

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Your Horoscope This Week

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How strong are your relationships? This week is all about nurturing the bonds that matter most as the moon flows through Libra and Scorpio, the two zodiac signs associated with partnerships. With Mercury retrograde from December 3rd to 22nd, we wouldn't be surprised if communications have been a little, er, strained. The balanced Libra moon gifts us with a sense of fairness and diplomacy on Monday and Tuesday — optimal days to meet for a cup of strong coffee (or a dirty martini) and talk your way to a compromise. When the Scorpio moon takes the wheel from Wednesday to Friday, sharing secrets will help us all bond. Have you been keeping your cards too close to your chest? That might be the reason a relationship is spinning its wheels. If trust has been established, then open up the vault. Need to build credit in the loyalty points department? Share something more personal — but not your tabloid-worthy tales — and dare to ask more probing questions of people in conversation.

The weekend is ripe for adventure and experimentation as the Sagittarius sun gets in formation with wild child Uranus in Aries. Living it up — and living on the edge — will be a thing under this once-per-year alignment. But heed that Mercury retrograde warning label: If you're going to be a daredevil, please read all the directions and safety precautions first. Some things are best left in the "forever fantasy" category instead of turning them into a reality. Uranus rules activism, so why not be a daring agent of social change? A global cause, like disaster relief or protecting the right to choose could certainly use a signal boost now.

Sagittarius
November 22 to December 21

Remember this as you start your week, Archer: There is no “I” in team. When you’re breaking a sweat trying to figure it out all by yourself, hit the brakes on that frustrating route. With the moon in your communal 11th house until early hump day, help is only a status update or a text away. From Wednesday to Friday, the moon in Scorpio illuminates your 12th house of mentors. Reach up the ladder for support. An experienced guide can show you the ropes. Under this mystical influence, pay attention to signs, serendipities, and omens. The universe may be speaking to you in code or just alerting you to pay attention to what's going on in that particular moment. Do you need to find closure with a certain someone? Have a heart-to-heart with a wise friend instead of sending a regrettable message to the "offending party." It may be most healing to write that person a letter — and then burn it!

Your eyes are roaming the horizon this weekend, Sagittarius, as the sun and indie-spirited Uranus sync up on Saturday. No one can hold you back, Archer — not that anyone would dare try. Save practical matters for another time. It’ll take superhuman effort to stay focused on anything task-related. Instead, devote the weekend to unbridled self-expression. Wear the most flamboyant pieces in your wardrobe and flirt like no one's watching. Mercury is still retrograde though, so hold off on the tats and hair chops until early 2018. Romantically, this transit is like a cosmic cup of courage. If the mood is conducive, be bold and vocalise your loving feelings.

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

Capricorn
December 22 to January 19

Network, network, network! Early this week, the Libra moon lights up your ambitious 10th house and you’ll be in full-on mover and shaker mode. If there's a project that's floundering for leadership, take the helm, Capricorn. Your willingness to step up — even if no one asks you to — will peg you as the rising star. From Wednesday to Friday, the Scorpio moon activates your ultra-social 11th house. Use the Christmas party circuit to connect with influencers or get to know the office higher-ups in a more casual setting. Hey, it's all about who you know, right?

Indulge in some serious R&R this weekend, Capricorn. The sun is dozing in your 12th house of rest and on Saturday it will sync up with Uranus in your domestic corner. Putter around the house and sleep in, if you can. Do you need to coordinate anything for the festive season? Get on a Google Hangout with family and close friends to figure out menus, gifting plans, decor, and all the details. With future-forward Uranus in the mix, you might put a modern-day spin on a stuffy tradition and breathe new life into the celebrations.

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

Aquarius
January 20 to February 18

You’ve never been one to sweat the small stuff, Aquarius, so why start now? Early this week, a forward-thinking moon in your expansive ninth house helps you see the big picture. If a mission isn’t going as planned, don’t try to force it along. Pause and take inventory of the situation. Something needs to change in your action (or, perhaps, your attitude) about the whole situation. Don’t take this "failure" personally. Instead, look at it as a chance to strengthen and grow in a powerful new direction. On Wednesday, the moon heads into Scorpio and your driven 10th house until Friday. Put pride aside and ping a more experienced person for advice. The expert guidance can save you hours of struggle!

It's a "say anything" weekend for you as the expressive sun syncs up with your ruler, shock jock Uranus. You’re the zodiac’s charming and quick-witted mad scientist and your wild ideas cannot be contained. The only issue? Choosing the right audience for your downloads. Your radical notions could be too much for certain ears to hear — for now. Keep the convo strictly professional with coworkers or family members with whom this topic could incite a pre-Christmas meltdown. Itching to share something important on social? Use that handy “save drafts” feature and let it marinate for at least half a day before you post. If you're involved with a humanitarian cause (as many Aquarians are), your mission could gain traction. Just triple check any stats you’re using. The last thing this world needs is more false reporting.

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

Pisces
February 19 to March 20

Trash or treasure? Early this week, use your intuitive powers to find potential where others can't see it. Restore a piece of vintage furniture or mentor someone whose talents have yet to be recognised. An existing relationship could benefit from a heart to heart, so book some private time to catch up or clear the air. From Wednesday to Friday, the moon in Scorpio could elicit an untameable case of wanderlust. Are your WhatsApp notifications enabled? Reconnect to a long-distance friend and get some couchsurfing plans in motion. No matter your GPS coordinates, make a point of checking out new venues and offerings in the second half of the week. A cross-cultural connection could bring the heartwarming click you've been craving.

On Saturday, an ambitious alignment of the sun and innovative Uranus elevates your career goals. Research industry meet-ups where you can mingle with people who are already working your dream job — or who can inspire you to take your own professional aspirations higher. Ready to scout out new opportunities? Fortune favours the bold! Ask friends if they've heard of any openings. You might even learn of an opportunity this weekend. Spruce up your CV and LinkedIn profile so you're ready to circulate. Remember: First impressions are last impressions. Make it your mission to slay from the first day.

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

Aries
March 21 to April 19

With the moon in diplomatic Libra, you're craving harmony on Monday and Tuesday. But in your quest for peace, don't make promises you can't keep, Aries. Sure, you want to be cooperative and make everyone happy — but at what price? Alas, those uber-generous vibes will wind down by Wednesday morning when the moon enters self-possessed Scorpio. If you make too many sacrifices, you'll wind up feeling cranky and resentful. Prevent those complicated feelings by negotiating a happy medium instead — one that's realistic for the life you lead.

No fidget spinner can take away your restless edge this weekend, Ram. With Saturday's impulsive Sun-Uranus trine, you're daydreaming of a wild weekend in the Balearic or a jaunt down to Brighton to scoop up vintage threads. If you have the time and means, set a fare alert for your top five locales and keep your options open. Or, satisfy your wanderlust with an adventure that’s a little closer to home. Maybe a new neighbourhood has an art walk happening on Friday night, or is there a roller rink with a guest DJ or a band you have to see? Expand your horizons and go anywhere but "the usual places."

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

Taurus
April 20 to May 20

Got work to wrap up before the year ends, Taurus? While the moon hovers in your industrious sixth house early this week, you can be an unstoppable force of productivity. Slip on the noise-cancelling headphones and install an app that stops you from checking social media on your computer. Then, focus like a hawk. On Wednesday, you’ll tire of being a party of one as the moon heads into Scorpio and your dynamic duo zone until Friday. Scout out project partners and scroll through messages that got backlogged while you were powering through the beginning of the week. There could be a weekend invitation waiting in your inbox that's too good to miss.

Whatever you get up to this weekend, one thing's for sure: It won’t be superficial under Saturday's emotionally charged stars. The sun in your eighth house of mergers (financial and physical) is aligned with trailblazing Uranus in your mystical 12th house. This is a perfect moment to delve into soul-stirring sex, sign up for a meditation workshop, or launch a potentially profitable joint venture. Or just turn your prodigious energy to any area of life that could benefit from a little Taurean TLC and watch the glow grow.

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

Gemini
May 21 to June 20

The week is off to a flamboyant start as the splashy Libra moon rolls out the red carpet for Geminis. Good luck keeping your admiring fans away; in fact, don't even bother. Just entertain them with your wild stories and irresistible ideas. Ready for your close-up? Hit record on that soon-to-be viral video or set up a legit photo shoot. This is an auspicious time to promote your talents and offerings. By Wednesday, you’ll be primed for prosperity as the moon moves into Scorpio and your zone of work for a few days. Ready for a change in your career path? Write up a slightly modified job description — one that better plays to your strengths. Share it with your boss at an opportune moment before the weekend — or treat for an end-of-year power lunch where you can review your achievements of the past year in a more casual setting. Sure, it will cost a little money, but consider that plate of pasta and glass of vino an investment in your future.

Synergies abound this weekend as the confidence-boosting sun beams unconventional Uranus in your relationship house. Get ready to have some conversations that are hella intéressant, as the French say. Make the most of your silver tongue and set things right with a frenemy. (Because you actually do care about this person, if you're being honest with yourself, Gemini.) Apologise for ghosting and meet for brunch or drinks. And while you're at it, make plans with a new friend, too — someone who has potential to be part of your inner circle or possibly a creative collaborator.

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

Cancer
June 21 to July 22

How can you create more peace in your life, Cancer? That’s the goal early this week. As the Zodiac's hardcore nester, you need your everyday spaces (home, work, and play) to feel calm and nurturing. Get the Pinterest boards going if you need help visualising your ideal environments or call a friend with a knack for interior decorating. But first, do a visual scan of your space. Remove anything that triggers stress or unwelcome thoughts. Replace with objects that "spark joy ", like photos of your favourite moments or treasures you collected on your travels. On Wednesday, chill a bottle of bubbly as the moon heads into Scorpio and your fifth house of celebration and romance. Invite some friends over for a dinner party at your revamped chateau — or maybe just that one special friend. Ooh, la la!

Feel like you're still behind the 8 ball with end-of-year tasks? You may have to bring some work home this weekend. The good news is you’re unstoppable on Saturday as the sun marches through your sixth house of productivity and teams up with genius Uranus in your ambitious 10th house. You don’t need to go it alone, Cancer! Enlist the support of a few trusted friends or colleagues who owe you a favour. (Many hands, right?) This edgy alignment could have you worried you’re not getting the props you deserve. Take a deep breath and make a list of all your 2017 accomplishments and successes. When you get back to the office next week, schedule a meeting with your boss to share your greatest hits. You could end up celebrating a well-deserved raise or promotion before the year is through.

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

Leo
July 23 to August 22

Good luck sitting still early this week, Leo — heck, don’t bother trying! With the moon swirling through your social third house on Monday and Tuesday, you have places to go and people to see. Reconfigure your schedule to prioritise tasks that involve human beings instead of data. Take time to read through messages that have been sitting in your inbox and answer forgotten voicemails. If there are assignments you can’t avoid, don’t. Just bring your laptop to a café where you can people-watch while you work. From Wednesday to Friday, the Scorpio moon nestles into your domestic zone and you won't mind tucking away. No guilt if you want to bail on a Christmas party so you can head straight home from work to dine on takeout and finally watch season 2 of Stranger Things.

On Saturday, the sun teams up with ingenious Uranus and puts some rocket fuel in your dream tank. Promoting yourself unapologetically can give you the edge. Uranus rules technology and social media: Could you be the next Snapchat superstar? Upload and see. Meanwhile, in the non-virtual realm, expand your reach with some face-to-face networking. Your party banter could grab the attention of a legit BFD in the industry. But stay true to your core values, Leo. Selling out (yes, even if the money is insane) might bring a short-term spike but could cost you respect in the end.

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

Virgo
August 23 to September 22

Slow and steady wins the race, Virgo. Early this week, a productive moon in the second house sets the pace for progress — the kind that is won through persistence. No shortcuts! Make a list of tasks and tick them off, one by one. Take regular breaks in between so you don't burn out. And how about a mid-morning walk and an hourly stretch to break up those computer-hunched muscles? By hump day you can relax a little as the moon slips into Scorpio and your social third house. A casual chat with a friend, sibling, or savvy colleague could lead to a future collab. But socialise without an agenda, too. Nourish your inner culture vulture with gallery openings, films, and dancing to live music — and stay open to meeting people while you're out and about.

They say if you’re lucky, you’ll have a handful of truly good friends in your life. But are you letting people really get to know you, Virgo? If you've been keeping it "too cool for school," we're guessing not. On Saturday, as the bold sun syncs up with communal Uranus in the friendliest parts of your chart, you can't help but drop your guard. Someone’s been trying to break into your inner circle — why not give them a chance? Let them see who you really are and get interested in their personal details, too. Already overloaded in the friend department? Turn on those Virgo research skills and lead your squad somewhere totally off the beaten path. No one can scout out an underground scene better than you.

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

Libra
September 23 to October 22

You’re numero uno early this week, Libra — and don’t let anyone forget it! With the moon in your sign until Wednesday, you have carte blanche to be self-focused, self-authorised, and self-possessed — just don't cross the line into "selfish" territory. You are not an island, Libra, so be aware of how your actions impact people who are depending on you. You're also a fount of inspiration. Speak up when you have a brilliant idea. People are likely to hop on board — even for the wild hares! From Wednesday through Friday, the moon in Scorpio illuminates your second house of work and money. You could get news about a job offer or maybe it’s time to invest in an experience you’ve always dreamed of. Check your bucket list and see what you might tick off (or take a step towards ticking off) even before the weekend.

You're charm personified this weekend, thanks to a magnetic matchup between the radiant sun and vibrant Uranus. People will hang on to your every word, so use this charismatic power for good — something humanitarian Uranus would surely give the thumbs-up. Signal-boost a thought leader or activist; raise money for a Christmas charity. Your enchanting vibes will go a long way in the romance department, but be mindful here, too. If you're not feeling the "happily ever after" vibes, don't mess with people who are looking for you to be their queen.

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

Scorpio
October 23 to November 21

That end-of-year pressure is on, Scorpio, but before you can be productive, you need to organise your space. On Monday and Tuesday, the Libra moon brings the serene vibes you need to clean up, declutter, and de-chaos your life. While you’re at it, get friendly with the “unfollow” button on Facebook and clear out those toxic posters that have been bringing your newsfeed down. Cancel plans with energy vampires that have been stalking your social cal. No need for garlic — this might be one of those moments when it's best to just ghos t. From Wednesday to Friday, the moon heads into Scorpio, renewing your energy. A personal goal could come to fruition before the weekend. Clear the space so you have time to celebrate that victory!

This weekend's daring sun-Uranus formation reminds you that without risk, there can be no reward. Though you prefer a sure thing, you could miss a sweet opportunity by holding back when you actually need to make a move. By all means, have a safety net in place and don't put yourself in the line of danger. Just be willing to leap a little outside your comfort zone. This might not yield a guaranteed win, but you'll grow from the process in an unexpected way. Progress is better than stagnation, Scorpio!

Illustrated by Alia Penner. Photographed by Jason Rodgers.

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5 Ways The Trench Coat Is Ruling Winter

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The trench coat: a British staple, endlessly reinvented, never without a place in our wardrobes. As the weather is yet to reach peak faux fur, the trench has taken its place as the outerwear of the season. While the classic style – think Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca or Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's – is still as relevant now as it was back then, the new trench coat comes in many iterations.

From high-shine finishes in patent and vinyl, through to the colour-pop coats bringing some life to our winter wardrobes, via the deconstructed shapes making the trench off-kilter and the check-trench mashup, there are four key new ways we're wearing ours.

But don't think it's going anywhere next season; the trench is worth an investment. SS18's catwalks were dominated by the lightweight coat, from Maison Margiela's bandeau dress reimagining to Jason Wu's dusky pink number, via Aalto's mango-hued trench and Alexander McQueen's barely-there cutaway version.

Click through to see the sartorial stars styling theirs out, and the pieces we're loving from designers and the high street alike.

Classic

From brooding detectives and leading ladies to John Cusack in Say Anything, the trench coat is a staple of our cultural history. There's no need to update the style or colour of your trench if you prefer the classic, but we'd advise going oversized. Céline's flowing number was layered over black wool jackets, Vanessa Seward presented hers with a matching camel headscarf, and Balenciaga's was loosely belted at the waist.

Stylist Alex Carl wears a Mackintosh trench with jeans, Maison Margiela white boots, finished off with a Mansur Gavriel bag.

Photo: Edward Berthelot/Getty Images

Topshop Staple Editors Trench Coat, £79, available at Topshop

French Connection Lesley Cotton Oversized Trench Coat In Sandstone, £55, available at French Connection

J Crew Cotton-Canvas Trench Coat, £300, available at Net-A-Porter

Check

The check trend influenced most of our wardrobe this season, the trench coat included, which could be seen at Burberry, with a celebratory return of its signature print; at Topshop in dark heritage colours; and via Uniqlo x J.W.Anderson, where the designer introduced a reversible check trench.

During Paris Fashion Week, Erika Boldrin wore the Uniqlo x J.W.Anderson reversible trench coat, paired with a clashing mini Off-White bag, bringing all the colours together with simple jeans and camel roll-neck.

Photo: Vanni Bassetti/Getty Images

Zara Checked Trench Coat, £95.99, available at Zara

Burberry Tartan Cotton-Gabardine Trench Coat, £1,695, available at Net-A-Porter

Stella McCartney Michaela Double-Breasted Coated Trench Coat, £1,525, available at Matches Fashion

Colourful

While the classic style comes in beiges, camels and sands, this season looked significantly more colourful. Trenches were rendered in sunset yellows, courtesy of Lacoste, pea greens at Guy Laroche, and electric blues by way of Calvin Klein.

Net-A-Porter Fashion Director Lisa Aiken brought a flash of colour to her white Yuzefi bag, white top, white Gianvito Rossi shoes, and Re/Done jeans. Her tomato-red Michael Lo Sordo trench coat is a mood-boosting way to introduce colour to your get-up.

Photo: Kirstin Sinclair/Getty Images

Art School Euphoria Corduroy Trench Coat, £975, available at Matches Fashion

Mango Cotton Lapel Trench, £99.99, available at Mango

Michael Lo Sordo Relaxed Trench Coat, £770, available at Selfridges

Deconstructed

Deconstructed pieces have dominated for some time now, whether it's a cut-up-and-renew hoodie or frayed-edge pair of patchwork jeans. Maison Margiela presented trenches with cutaway chests, APC inserted denim panels into their offering, and Anne Sofie Madsen made sleeves extra long and hems super short.

Jan-Michael Quammie wears her deconstructed trench with graphic checked trousers and a black box bag, not forgetting a flash of sporty socks.

Photo: Christian Vierig/Getty Images

River Island Beige Deconstructed Sleeve Long Trench Coat, £45, available at River Island

Palmer//Harding Step-Hem Cotton-Poplin Trench Coat, £530, available at Matches Fashion

Cos Deconstructed Trench Coat, £150, available at Cos

Patent

You'll have noticed that the patent trench has made a name for itself this season, starting with the looks shown on AW17's catwalks, from Roksanda's high-shine oxblood number and Jeremy Scott's space-age silver coat, through to Gareth Pugh's dystopian jet-black piece.

Irina Linovich clashed her much-coveted vinyl check Calvin Klein trench with Kermit-green Balenciaga sock boots at Paris Fashion Week. Take note and modernise your check with pops of colour.

Photo: Claudio Lavenia/Getty Images

ASOS Trench Coat In Vinyl, £56, available at ASOS

Ellery Nine To Five Pod Vinyl Trench Coat, £2,275, available at Net-A-Porter

Miss Selfridge Black Vinyl Mac, £41.30, available at Miss Selfridge

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The Tech To Buy Yourself (Or Someone Else) For Christmas

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With so many products on the market, it’s increasingly hard to tell the difference between a piece of tech that will tangibly improve your life and one that’s way too much effort to get your head around, which you’ll pay hundreds for then hide guiltily in a drawer. While many millennials are seeking digital detoxes and the idea of another piece of technology to keep up with is exhausting, half the products in this list are actually designed to help you switch OFF and sleep better, so could be of ironic benefit if you’re looking to reduce your tech time. From replacing your television (who actually watches TV anymore?) with a slick projector, to a device that only allows emergency calls through so you can truly switch off your phone, tech is now so advanced, it’s anti-tech...

Alongside the items we've become attached to this year which we'd recommend to a friend, are some fun items from a new, all-female tech company called Soda (this is not sponsored, we just like them), founded by Grace Gould and creative directed by Jackie Annesley. Identifying a gap in the market for women and tech, Grace told WGSN: “Most tech products on the market today are made by boys for boys. Nothing resonated with us in a language we understood.” And so she started Soda, an online (obviously) shop which also has an IRL pop-up in Selfridges, curating quirky products that you’d never have thought of from around the world.

From the Snapchat-obsessed teenager in your life, to your mum who's started sleeping in the spare room because your dad's snoring has become "unbearable", hopefully you'll find something for someone, including yourself.

The Light Phone

The size of a credit card and not much heavier, the light phone is a digital detox. It’s hooked up to your actual phone and stores nine of your closest contacts' numbers so if there’s an emergency, you will find out, but if not, you can really switch off without any notifications, apps, texts, internet, etc. After the nightmarish year of notifications we’ve had, we could all use a light phone.

The Light Phone, £120, available at Soda

Dodow Dimming Lamp Sleep Aid

Created by two French guys, one of whom is an insomniac, this small but powerful lamp calms busy minds and restless bodies by using a blue projection light which glows across your ceiling and guides you through a relaxing breathing exercise designed to send you to sleep. According to Soda, this product has proved unexpectedly popular with children. The perfect gift for the insomniac in your life, parent or otherwise. Batteries included!

Dodow Dimming Lamp Sleep Aid, £44, available at Soda

Master & Dynamic MW60 Wireless Headphones

Ok these are for someone you really, really love (yourself?!). It’s a lot to pay but if you spend significant portions of your day listening to things on headphones, it is worth investing in a good pair. Master & Dynamic headphones are slick, low-key and compact, with excellent sound quality. They’re also really comfortable to wear, with particularly soft cushioned pads. It's probably time to switch to wireless anyway and these were described by Wired as "simply the best wireless headphones". The battery on these lasts 16 hours.

Master & Dynamic MW60 Wireless Headphones, £499, available at Master & Dynamic

Snapchat Spectacles

Seventy percent of the 173 million people using Snapchat daily are women, and it's the number one way teenagers communicate around the world. Some clever person at Snapchat had the idea to start making merch for this overwhelmingly loyal and engaged market (Instagram, take note). These sunglasses come in three colour ways and "ward off rays" (ie. help you see your phone in the sun), and the cat eye design contains a 115-degree camera lens which records 10-second videos that save directly to your Snapchat. Learning from Google Glass 's mistake, Snapchat have made their tech glasses a hell of a lot cooler-looking. Buy for the teen in your life.

Spectacles by Snapchat, £129.99, available at Selfridges

Fiorucci Phone Cases

2017 marked the triumphant return of the cult '80s Italian brand, Fiorucci. A blast from the fashion past, these graphic phone cases are super cool and a really nice gift for your most stylish friend – or aunt, who’ll be old enough to remember the brand from the first time around. From this chilled out swordfish lady, to a punk in leopard print, to a ‘Let’s Dance’ zombie couple, there are lots of designs to choose from.

Fiorucci Phone Cases, £30, available at Soda

Chipolo Smart Key Finder

From the sink to the fridge to the inside pocket of your coat, looking for keys and trying to track your frenzied thoughts takes up an embarrassing amount of time in life. This key finder sets off a 92-decibel alarm to unite you with your precious keys, and shows you on a map if they’ve wandered further than the fridge. Buy for the scatterbrained adult in your life.

Chipolo Smart Key Finder, £19, available at Soda

Beam Smart Projector

Looks like a lamp, is actually Netflix. This clever lamp is a projector that plugs into normal sockets. If you’ve always fancied being the kind of person who’s too cool for a TV and only watches David Lynch films on a projector, this product is for you, or the person you love who meets that description. With the rise of streaming services, TVs are becoming frightfully old-fashioned, and at a similar price to a flat screen, this is a nice way to modernise your home life.

Beam Smart Projector, £479, available at Soda

Calm App Subscription

“Take a deep breath” appears on a serene blue background when you open the Calm app, followed by the sound of rain (or a waterfall, or waves, you decide). The point of Calm is, quite simply, to help you relax. Through guided meditations, mindfulness sessions, breathing exercises, bedtime stories, music playlists, moving images and sounds, Calm is a one-stop shop for chilling out. A highlight of the app is Stephen Fry reading bedtime stories for insomnia sufferers. Subscriptions range from £9.99, which makes for a nice stocking filler gift for a stressed-out family member – or parent who still doesn't quite get the App Store. There's also a bestselling Calm book published by Penguin and some lavender sleep spray which you can purchase alongside a year's subscription to the app.

Calm Subscription, from £9.99, available on iTunes

Apple Watch Series 3

Apple Watch technology got a whole lot better this year. A fully functioning computer on your wrist, the new Series 3 comes with built-in cellular, which means you can go out without your phone and just use your watch to make calls, send messages via Siri and use Apple Pay. (Previously, you had to carry your phone for your watch to work.) Music streaming is another new feature, ideal for runs or working out where you don't want to carry your phone. And the health features are seriously advanced too, with the watch now able to check your heart rate and alert you when it's too high or low.

Apple Watch Series 3, £329, available at Apple

Amazon Echo

This is the second generation of Amazon Echo, a hands-free speaker called Alexa connected to an app on your phone (also called Alexa). Once you’ve installed the app, you can just speak to the echo freely without having to use your phone, the idea being that you use your phone less and spend less time looking at screens and more time talking to yourself, oops, we mean Alexa. Alexa has many talents; she can play music, read audiobooks, make calls, send messages, read you the news, weather, sports scores, turn the heating up, check your commute time – she can basically tell you anything you usually ask your phone, but out loud. From “What’s on my calendar today?” to “Play pop songs from the '90s” or “Play the song that goes ‘All you need is love’,” Alexa is responsive to your needs. Alexa works with smartphones with an iOS 9.0 or higher and Android 5.0 or higher.

Amazon Echo, £89.99, available at Amazon

SmartNora Anti-Snoring Device

Can you put a price on a good night's sleep? This anti-snoring device is inserted into pillowcases and detects vibrations from throat muscles, which signals snoring. It then subtly alerts the snorer to their snoring so you don't have to, prompting them to revert to natural breathing. Creators say the device was created with back and side sleepers in mind, which is worth remembering when purchasing.

SmartNora Anti-Snoring Device, £300, available at Selfridges

Google Pixel 2 Phone Covers

Google have collaborated with ten fashion designers on these phone cases for the Google Pixel 2 phone, which is proving a popular model with the fashion crowd on account of its sick camera. From Mimi Wade and Ashley Williams to Marques’Almeida and Ryan Lo, the cases are a who’s who of the London fashion scene. Buy for your friend who owns a Google Pixel 2!

Google Pixel 2 Phone Cases, £40, available at www.selfridges.com

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I Tried Bowen Therapy & It Changed My Life

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The modern malady spans everything from the physical (that pain in your back, headaches and indigestion) to the mental (stress and anxiety) – often many, noticed or unnoticed, at once – and it’s nigh on impossible to find a treatment that will aid each and every one of them. But could Bowen Therapy just be it? I think so.

What is it?

A holistic technique that consists of different rolling ‘moves’ performed at different pressures, speeds and directions on small areas of the body – that could be anywhere from your head to your toes – it works to target the soft connective tissue, otherwise known as the fascia.

“We target areas that are ‘frozen’ by releasing restrictions in the fascia,” says Michael Patrick, Director of Bowen Therapy UK, who I see for my treatment, “as well as resetting different type of nerve endings and receptors that control our movement, balance and muscle tension.” Unlike a massage, which uses muscle-moving kneading that can take the body into the stress-inducing fight or flight mode, these ‘releases’ are made at a pressure that the body doesn’t resist and don’t provoke its natural defence system.

What it treats

“Put simply, Bowen initiates the healing response in the body,” says Patrick. The movements intervene with the brain’s signals to prompt the body to let go of tension, stress and emotional baggage, as well as restoring our posture back to the ‘blueprint’ alignment that we have stored innately in our brains. Fundamentally, Bowen Technique is all about the body doing the work; the therapist gives you a message, and the body does the rest.

But what issues does it tackle? As well as neck and back pain, migraines and your body’s alignment – the common complaints of a desk-bound office worker – Bowen can help treat issues in your joints, respiratory and digestive systems, as well as fertility issues. It’s an exhaustive list, sure, but you name it and Bowen will help treat not only the symptoms but the causes, too.

What to expect

Each appointment follows a similar format. Each time you go, the Bowen therapist – Patrick, in my case – asks how you’ve been feeling and if there are any obvious aches and pains you want to address. I don’t have any huge issues but if you do, they will be taken into account. From how I stand naturally – a little hunched, legs not totally straight – to how my jaw moves, he visually takes into account any issues I haven’t even noticed.

During the treatment is no different; he notices I have extremely tight hamstrings, which would make sense after an operation on one of them a few years ago. He suggests that the tighter they are, the more they "drag you down" both physically and mentally. I would have had no idea, though it seems logical that many of the body’s physical issues can be so closely intertwined with how we feel.

The treatment involves lying on a bed (like you would a massage) for 45 minutes to an hour. Between each ‘set’ of moves, your therapist leaves the room for a certain period of time. This can seem disconcerting at first but Patrick tells me that the breaks allow time for the body to integrate the effects of each set of moves. The trick, I am told, is to be aware of my body instead of freaking out.

Over the coming month, during which I go back on consecutive weeks, Patrick works on any issues he finds. Most noticeably for me, it was my jaw. You store a lot of emotion in your jaw, which can manifest in clenching or teeth grinding, for example, and it’s held until it gets released. When he first worked on this area, I could actually feel the strange release of toxins whooshing over my entire face, once even resulting in a headache. Afterwards, I was told I might feel emotional thanks to a whole host of pent-up feelings being released, and that’s exactly what happened. Add to that a host of weird, lucid dreams and restless sleep – as he predicted – and Bowen had me convinced.

It can also help tackle a colossal hangover. After a big night, I had a strange pain in my middle back – my kidneys – for which Patrick set about doing some lymphatic drainage. After 45 minutes, I felt 10 times more energised and the fatigue I couldn’t get rid of had lifted; my hangover was cured.

Why you should give it a go

In just five sessions, my posture was significantly improved, along with a refreshed complexion (yes, it does that too) and a less tense, prone-to-headaches head. I went with no expectations and came out with a much greater awareness of the power of my body and a new way to dispel stress.

You can find Michael Patrick at Triyoga with 45-minute sessions starting at £80. For a therapist in your area go to www.bowen-technique.co.uk

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